1
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,612
Tonight's program
takes us backstage

2
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to witness firsthand
the creation, start to finish,

3
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of a new play mounted
on the American stage.

4
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<i>Asteroid City</i> does not exist.

5
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It is an imaginary drama

6
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created expressly
for this broadcast.

7
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The characters are fictional,
the text hypothetical,

8
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the events
an apocryphal fabrication,

9
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but together they present
an authentic account

10
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of the inner workings of
a modern theatrical production.

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Our story begins, of course,
with an ink ribbon.

12
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Conrad Earp, playwright,
native of upper Wyoming,

13
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well-known for
his romantic poetic tapestries

14
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of life west
of the Rocky Mountains.

15
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There is little amusement
to be had, however,

16
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in watching a man type.

17
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Skip ahead, then,
past the lonely, agonized months

18
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of composing, revising,
polishing, editing, rewriting,

19
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cutting, pasting, pacing,
doodling and solitary drinking,

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and join our company
as they take the stage

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for their first
read-through rehearsal.

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Location:
the Tarkington Theater,

23
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345 South Northwest Avenue.

24
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Curtain rises
on a desert bus stop

25
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halfway between
Parched Gulch and Arid Plains.

26
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Main scenography includes

27
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a 12-stool luncheonette,

28
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a one-pump filling station

29
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and a ten-cabin
motor court hotel.

30
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Upstage left:

31
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the Tomahawk Mountains.

32
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Highest peak: 11,000 feet.

33
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Upstage right:
an unfinished highway overpass

34
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which vaults up 20 feet,
then chops off midair

35
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behind a permanent roadblock.

36
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Center front: an impact crater

37
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a hundred feet
in depth and diameter

38
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encircled by a low Little League
variety chain-link fence.

39
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Offstage, distant:
a 650-car freight train

40
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which click-clacks by
at five miles an hour.

41
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Note to chief electrician:

42
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The light of the desert sun
is neither warm nor cool

43
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but always clean

44
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and, above all, unforgiving.

45
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Cast: Augie Steenbeck,

46
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war photographer, early 40s.

47
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His son Woodrow, 14,
also known as Brainiac.

48
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Midge Campbell, late 30s,
film actress.

49
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Her daughter Dinah, 15.

50
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,725
June Douglas, schoolteacher.

51
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Ranch hand Montana, above.

52
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Grif Gibson, five-star general.

53
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Sandy Borden, Roger Cho,
J.J. Kellogg.

54
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Clifford, Ricky, Shelly.

55
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Stanley Zak, 65, retired.

56
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The action of the play takes
place in September of 1955.

57
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Act one:
Friday morning, 7:00 a.m.

58
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Act two: the next day.

59
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Act three: one week later.

60
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♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪

61
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♪ Last train
to San Fernando ♪

62
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♪ If you miss this one,
you'll never get another one ♪

63
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♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom
to San Fernando ♪

64
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♪ Last night,
I met my sweet Dorothy ♪

65
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♪ She said, "Tomorrow I join
in sweet matrimony" ♪

66
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♪ But if you act all right ♪

67
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♪ Oh, you can
take me out tonight ♪

68
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♪ We can wine and dine
and get back in time ♪

69
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♪ For the last train
to San Fernando ♪

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♪ Last train to San Fernando ♪

71
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♪ Last train
to San Fernando ♪

72
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♪ If you miss this one,
you'll never get another one ♪

73
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♪ Bee-dee-dee-dee-bom-bom
to San Fernando. ♪

74
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It's a dead snake.

75
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Flat snake.

76
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Poke him in the head
with this stick.

77
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♪ I wander the streets ♪

78
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♪ And the gay
crowded places... ♪

79
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Five orders of flapjacks
and a black coffee.

80
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♪ But somehow it seems ♪

81
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♪ That my thoughts ever stray ♪

82
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♪ To our last... ♪

83
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Who needs to pee?

84
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-Nobody needs to pee.
-I don't.

85
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Our average speed is
83 feet per second.

86
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Poor fuel efficiency
due to excess wind resistance.

87
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Probably the luggage rack.

88
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Based on data before
the loss of power, obviously.

89
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♪ High in the sky... ♪

90
00:08:07,621 --> 00:08:09,523
What do you little princesses
want to drink?

91
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:10,925
-Oh, we're not princesses.
-I'm a vampire.

92
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I'm a mummy in Egypt
who got buried alive...

93
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-I suck people's blood.
-...and came back to life

94
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-with his head chopped off.
-I'm a fairy.

95
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:21,235
How about a glass
of strawberry milk?

96
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:25,272
What was that?

97
00:08:25,306 --> 00:08:27,274
Another atom bomb test.

98
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:46,027
I've seen this combination
of symptoms twice before

99
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in the '52 Estate model.

100
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In one case, it was a quick fix
of a 75-cent part.

101
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In the other case,
it was a difficult, costly,

102
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time-consuming disassembly
and re-mantling

103
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of the entire drivetrain

104
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and lubrication mechanism,
which didn't work.

105
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The motor exploded itself,

106
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and the body was stripped
and sold for scrap.

107
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There it is.

108
00:09:13,821 --> 00:09:15,322
Well, which one have we got?

109
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We're about to find out.

110
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You got the first one.

111
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-How much do I owe you?
-Nothing.

112
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Ten dollars for the tow.

113
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What's that? Wh-What's that?

114
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I don't know.

115
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,318
I think you've got
a third problem

116
00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,353
we've never seen before.

117
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Zak residence.

118
00:10:27,728 --> 00:10:29,296
Romulus, this is
Augie Steenbeck.

119
00:10:29,330 --> 00:10:31,065
Good morning, Mr. Augie.
The gate is open.

120
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,033
-No, we're not there.
-You're not here?

121
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:36,003
-May I speak to Mr. Zak?
-Yes, Mr. Augie.

122
00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,420
-You're not here?
-We're not there.

123
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The car exploded.
Come get the girls.

124
00:10:55,456 --> 00:10:56,991
The car exploded?

125
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,727
Parts of the car
exploded itself, yes.

126
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,362
-Come get the girls.
-I'm not their chauffeur.

127
00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:02,897
I'm their grandfather.

128
00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:04,999
-Where are you?
-Asteroid City.

129
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:07,001
Farm Route Six, mile 75.
Come get the girls.

130
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,469
I have to stay here
with Woodrow.

131
00:11:08,503 --> 00:11:09,904
What are you talking about?

132
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,173
The thing for Woodrow.
We're there.

133
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,876
Hmm.

134
00:11:19,013 --> 00:11:21,682
-Hello?
-How'd they take it?

135
00:11:25,186 --> 00:11:26,387
They didn't.

136
00:11:26,420 --> 00:11:27,721
-No?
-No.

137
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,190
-No.
-Yes.

138
00:11:29,223 --> 00:11:31,192
-You didn't tell them still?
-I still didn't tell them.

139
00:11:31,225 --> 00:11:33,694
-You promised.
-I know.

140
00:11:35,129 --> 00:11:37,464
The time is never right.

141
00:11:37,498 --> 00:11:40,067
The time...

142
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,102
is always wrong.

143
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:53,080
Are you okay?

144
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,949
No.

145
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,821
You never liked me, did you?

146
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,824
I never loved you.
I always thought that you...

147
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,527
You always thought
I wasn't good enough for her.

148
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,995
Yes.
We're saying the same thing.

149
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:11,232
-Gas up the Cadillac.
-Okay.

150
00:12:11,265 --> 00:12:12,499
-Tell the kids.
-I will.

151
00:12:12,534 --> 00:12:14,902
I'll be there when I get there.

152
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,250
It's the end of that car.

153
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,385
Andromeda, check under
the floor mats. Come on.

154
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,053
Pandora, check the side pockets.

155
00:12:33,087 --> 00:12:35,022
Cassiopeia, check the cracks
between the seats.

156
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,191
Take everything.
What do you think, Woodrow?

157
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,126
I think it's kind of sad.

158
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:38,787
Rest stop, 13 minutes.

159
00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:44,858
-Head count.
-One.

160
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,126
-Two.
-Three. -Four.

161
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,494
-Five. -Six.
-Seven. -Eight.

162
00:13:47,529 --> 00:13:49,063
-Nine. -Ten.
-All present.

163
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:50,931
Let's give thanks
for a safe journey. Billy?

164
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,366
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank thee kindly

165
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,635
for a terrific bus ride.

166
00:13:53,668 --> 00:13:55,102
I ate three boxes
of Cracker Jacks,

167
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,538
got a dog whistle
and a miniature map

168
00:13:56,571 --> 00:13:58,172
of the original 13 colonies.

169
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,140
Also, we saw a coyote
get run over by a 14-wheeler

170
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,942
and left him flat as a pancake.

171
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,043
Boy, oh, boy. What else?

172
00:14:03,077 --> 00:14:04,111
The bus driver had to stop twice

173
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,379
because Bernice
couldn't hold it.

174
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:06,480
-Could so.
-Amen.

175
00:14:06,514 --> 00:14:07,948
Amen.

176
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,450
Lunchtime. Line up single file.

177
00:14:12,353 --> 00:14:14,955
My word. It's hot.

178
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,390
It's the desert.
What'd you expect?

179
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:18,560
I don't know if I expected
one thing or another,

180
00:14:18,593 --> 00:14:20,494
but I'm wilting
like a cut petunia.

181
00:14:20,528 --> 00:14:22,096
-Humans don't wilt.
-Don't they?

182
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,497
No, wilting is a phenomenon

183
00:14:23,531 --> 00:14:25,432
by which a petal,
leaf or stem...

184
00:14:25,466 --> 00:14:27,101
Do you dare me?

185
00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,571
-Dare you what?
-To eat this hot pepper.

186
00:14:29,604 --> 00:14:32,206
-It's an experiment.
-No, don't do it.

187
00:14:35,376 --> 00:14:36,644
Hot pepper.

188
00:14:36,678 --> 00:14:38,580
Holy Toledo.
That's Midge Campbell.

189
00:14:38,613 --> 00:14:40,481
-Where? Who?
-Right smack in back of you.

190
00:14:40,515 --> 00:14:42,116
Don't look.

191
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:44,318
That must be her bodyguard.

192
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,387
Mr. Cho, yes? Hello.

193
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:48,690
You're in cabin seven.
Well, tent seven.

194
00:14:48,723 --> 00:14:50,924
Here's the key,
but there's no door.

195
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,527
Just a flap. Tent flap.

196
00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,161
-Tent?
-I know.

197
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,296
I upgraded the electrical system
Tuesday morning.

198
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:58,132
Better lighting,
power for the ice machine

199
00:14:58,165 --> 00:14:59,634
and a wall-mounted bug zapper.

200
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:01,402
Unfortunately,
a mistake got made,

201
00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:03,070
and cabin seven
burned to the ground.

202
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,171
It's a tent now.

203
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,540
We don't want to sleep
in a tent.

204
00:15:05,573 --> 00:15:07,141
Of course. I understand.

205
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:09,209
May I say, I think
you'll find it very comfortable.

206
00:15:09,243 --> 00:15:11,478
Is the young gentleman
in distress?

207
00:15:11,513 --> 00:15:12,647
He's thirsty.

208
00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,281
Of course. I understand.

209
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:16,684
Uh, juice preference, please:
apple, orange or tomato?

210
00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:20,187
Excuse me, sir?

211
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,590
This bucket of nuts
just stole my quarter.

212
00:15:22,624 --> 00:15:24,992
I beg your pardon.

213
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,696
♪ She lived so long
till her head got bald ♪

214
00:15:28,730 --> 00:15:30,632
♪ Taken a notion
not to die at all ♪

215
00:15:30,665 --> 00:15:32,700
♪ Ida Red, Ida Red ♪

216
00:15:32,734 --> 00:15:35,936
♪ I'm a plumb fool
about Ida Red... ♪

217
00:15:38,606 --> 00:15:40,174
You're probably wondering why

218
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,409
we didn't pack
your mother's suitcase.

219
00:15:43,578 --> 00:15:47,314
It's because she's not
coming with us on this journey.

220
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:49,584
She can't come.

221
00:15:49,617 --> 00:15:52,085
She got too sick.

222
00:15:52,119 --> 00:15:54,354
And, to put it bluntly,
after all the surgeries,

223
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,423
therapies and interventions,

224
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:59,493
after two years
of struggling and suffering,

225
00:15:59,527 --> 00:16:02,062
she succumbed to her illnesses.

226
00:16:02,664 --> 00:16:04,064
I'm sorry.

227
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:05,999
I didn't know
how to tell you then.

228
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,035
I couldn't figure out
how to tell you later.

229
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,704
I didn't know what to do.

230
00:16:09,737 --> 00:16:12,339
The time was never right.

231
00:16:13,407 --> 00:16:16,977
You're saying our mother died
three weeks ago?

232
00:16:18,546 --> 00:16:20,113
Yes.

233
00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:23,116
When is she coming back?

234
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,252
She's not coming back.

235
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,488
Let's say she's in heaven.

236
00:16:27,522 --> 00:16:29,624
Which doesn't exist for me,
of course,

237
00:16:29,657 --> 00:16:31,593
but you're Episcopalian.

238
00:16:32,694 --> 00:16:35,028
Come here. Let me hug you.

239
00:16:40,568 --> 00:16:43,270
Okay. Sit back down.

240
00:16:49,777 --> 00:16:53,146
Did you know already, Woodrow?

241
00:16:54,816 --> 00:16:57,184
I think so.

242
00:16:57,852 --> 00:16:59,654
She'd been away so long.

243
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:00,788
Mm-hmm.

244
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,526
Yeah.

245
00:17:04,559 --> 00:17:06,159
We're gonna be okay.

246
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:07,529
Your grandfather's on his way.

247
00:17:07,562 --> 00:17:09,531
We're gonna stay with him
for a period of time

248
00:17:09,564 --> 00:17:12,466
which is yet to be determined
how long it's gonna be.

249
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,036
Is she in there?

250
00:17:19,607 --> 00:17:21,441
Yeah.

251
00:17:21,475 --> 00:17:23,611
She's in the Tupperware.

252
00:17:25,513 --> 00:17:27,381
Cremated.

253
00:17:30,885 --> 00:17:34,454
Are we orphans now?

254
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:37,190
Huh?

255
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:40,695
Are we orphans now?

256
00:17:40,728 --> 00:17:42,162
No.

257
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,699
Because I'm still alive.

258
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,470
When my father died, my mother
told me, "He's in the stars."

259
00:17:50,505 --> 00:17:53,841
I told her, "The closest star,
other than that one,

260
00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:55,610
"is four and half
light-years away

261
00:17:55,643 --> 00:17:58,412
with a surface temperature
over 5,000 degrees centigrade."

262
00:17:59,747 --> 00:18:01,315
"He's not in the stars," I said.

263
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,317
"He's in the ground."

264
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:04,886
She thought it would comfort me.

265
00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:06,521
She was an atheist.

266
00:18:06,554 --> 00:18:09,591
The other thing she'd say
which is incorrect:

267
00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:11,593
"Time heals all wounds."

268
00:18:11,626 --> 00:18:13,160
No.

269
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,429
Maybe it can be a Band-Aid.

270
00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,865
Your concept of time is
completely distorted, though.

271
00:18:17,899 --> 00:18:19,734
I don't think any of you
except Woodrow

272
00:18:19,767 --> 00:18:22,235
even understands
what 15 minutes means.

273
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:26,239
15 minutes is 6,200 hours.

274
00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:31,211
Exactly.

275
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,280
That's not your fault.

276
00:18:39,386 --> 00:18:41,856
If you could have anything
in the world to eat right now,

277
00:18:41,889 --> 00:18:43,725
what would it be?

278
00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:49,229
The character of Augie Steenbeck

279
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:51,365
in the imaginary tale
of our production

280
00:18:51,398 --> 00:18:54,234
was to become famously
and indelibly connected

281
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:56,403
to the actor
who created the role,

282
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,906
a former carpenter
discovered in a bit part

283
00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,308
by the play's director,
Schubert Green.

284
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,477
I've finished
my correspondence, Analisse.

285
00:19:03,511 --> 00:19:05,245
Please bring me my cocktail
and my pill.

286
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:06,781
-Remember, the gentleman...
-Oh, no.

287
00:19:06,814 --> 00:19:07,949
...referred by Mr. Green
has arrived.

288
00:19:07,982 --> 00:19:09,651
No. Send him away.

289
00:19:09,684 --> 00:19:11,519
Put him up at the Salty Skipper
or the Lighthouse Inn

290
00:19:11,552 --> 00:19:13,286
and tell him to come back
in the morning

291
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,454
but not before 11:00.

292
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:15,923
The occasion
of the first meeting

293
00:19:15,957 --> 00:19:18,258
between playwright and player
is now,

294
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,861
in our fanciful telling,

295
00:19:19,894 --> 00:19:22,429
a matter of
theatrical lore and legend.

296
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,465
Setting: late autumn,
late afternoon,

297
00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:28,503
a seaside village
outside the grand metropolis.

298
00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:31,271
Oh, no, again.
I-I beg your pardon. I'm sorry.

299
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:33,841
Did Miss Watson not inform you?
I'm indisposed.

300
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:36,309
I know, but the ice cream
would've melted.

301
00:19:42,684 --> 00:19:44,552
-What's this?
-I think it's the one you like.

302
00:19:44,585 --> 00:19:46,654
Gooseberry Wriggle
from the Frosty Spoon

303
00:19:46,688 --> 00:19:48,221
on East Rotterdam.

304
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:50,257
I wrapped it in sawdust,
newspaper and peanut shells.

305
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:51,626
You shouldn't waste
your spending money

306
00:19:51,659 --> 00:19:52,960
on an old fool like me.

307
00:19:52,994 --> 00:19:54,428
Well, they gave me
ten dollars bus fare,

308
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:55,963
so I bought us a half bucket,
hitchhiked

309
00:19:55,997 --> 00:19:58,331
and pocketed the change.

310
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:05,540
Cool and delicious.

311
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,009
How long have you been
in the service?

312
00:20:08,042 --> 00:20:09,476
The service? What service?

313
00:20:09,510 --> 00:20:10,978
I don't know
what you're talking about.

314
00:20:11,012 --> 00:20:12,580
Well, unless I've been
deliberately misinformed,

315
00:20:12,613 --> 00:20:14,481
I believe those stripes
indicate the status

316
00:20:14,515 --> 00:20:16,450
of a ranking corporal,
second class.

317
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,986
Oh, no. I-I'm G.I. Number Three
in <i>Bugle Boy Blows the Blues.</i>

318
00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:20,655
Was, anyway. We closed tonight.

319
00:20:20,688 --> 00:20:23,256
I see. Property of
the wardrobe department.

320
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,292
Not anymore.

321
00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:28,763
How was it, by the way?

322
00:20:29,764 --> 00:20:31,264
-The play? It stunk.
-Mm.

323
00:20:31,298 --> 00:20:33,333
-Mind if I crack open a window?
-Uh, not at all.

324
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:34,602
It's sweltering, isn't it?

325
00:20:34,635 --> 00:20:36,771
Even the daisies
and buttercups are drooping...

326
00:20:36,804 --> 00:20:39,741
That window sticks a bit.
That window sticks a bit!

327
00:20:43,544 --> 00:20:46,547
You broke my window.

328
00:20:51,586 --> 00:20:54,354
Why does Augie burn his hand
on the Quicky-Griddle?

329
00:20:55,923 --> 00:20:58,425
Well, I don't even know myself,
to tell you the truth.

330
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,761
I hadn't planned it that way.

331
00:20:59,794 --> 00:21:01,896
He just sort of did it
while I was typing.

332
00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:03,765
Is it too extraordinary for you?

333
00:21:03,798 --> 00:21:06,399
Uh, I guess, the way I read it,
he was looking for an excuse

334
00:21:06,433 --> 00:21:08,503
why his heart
was beating so fast.

335
00:21:08,536 --> 00:21:09,704
Oh.

336
00:21:09,737 --> 00:21:12,372
Oh, what an interesting
sentiment.

337
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,075
I love that idea.

338
00:21:14,108 --> 00:21:15,710
Maybe he should say it.

339
00:21:15,743 --> 00:21:17,444
It's a very good line.

340
00:21:19,580 --> 00:21:22,750
No, I suppose not.
Not necessary.

341
00:21:47,074 --> 00:21:48,876
It's a fact-- we're not alone.

342
00:21:48,910 --> 00:21:50,545
The alien stole the asteroid.

343
00:21:50,578 --> 00:21:52,079
Long thought to be
a lunar splinter

344
00:21:52,113 --> 00:21:53,514
fragmented from the lesser moon

345
00:21:53,548 --> 00:21:55,750
of the hypothetical planet
Magnavox-27,

346
00:21:55,783 --> 00:21:58,052
now considered
a rogue pygmy cometette,

347
00:21:58,085 --> 00:22:00,555
according to the encyclopedia.

348
00:22:00,588 --> 00:22:02,089
Obviously, she would've said
something to him.

349
00:22:02,123 --> 00:22:03,991
I'm certain of it.
Your mother, I mean.

350
00:22:04,025 --> 00:22:06,561
She would've gotten him to tell
us the secrets of the universe

351
00:22:06,594 --> 00:22:08,863
or yelled at him
or made him laugh.

352
00:22:08,896 --> 00:22:11,431
She would've had a hypothesis.

353
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,668
You remind me of her
more than ever.

354
00:22:13,701 --> 00:22:15,435
She wasn't shy.

355
00:22:15,468 --> 00:22:17,538
You'll grow out of that.

356
00:22:17,572 --> 00:22:21,341
I think your sisters might be
aliens, too, by the way.

357
00:22:24,545 --> 00:22:26,848
When I met your mother,
she was only 19.

358
00:22:26,881 --> 00:22:29,382
She was smoking a cigarette,
reading a paperback,

359
00:22:29,416 --> 00:22:31,819
taking a bath in a swimsuit
on a rusty fire escape

360
00:22:31,853 --> 00:22:34,689
a flight and a half
below my camera position.

361
00:22:34,722 --> 00:22:37,758
Sometimes
I sometimes still think

362
00:22:37,792 --> 00:22:40,528
I still hear her here

363
00:22:40,561 --> 00:22:42,763
breathing in the dark.

364
00:22:46,767 --> 00:22:49,036
Who knows, Woodrow?

365
00:22:49,070 --> 00:22:51,471
Maybe she is in the stars.

366
00:23:04,185 --> 00:23:06,721
You're perfect.

367
00:23:32,947 --> 00:23:35,482
-Okay?
-Okay.

368
00:24:06,914 --> 00:24:09,917
Hold on, partner!

369
00:24:13,087 --> 00:24:15,690
-Zut alors.
-Oh, no.

370
00:24:19,093 --> 00:24:20,594
When's the next one?

371
00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:23,230
Sunday morning, I think.

372
00:24:34,875 --> 00:24:36,476
Drink your juice.

373
00:24:45,019 --> 00:24:46,253
You took a picture of me.

374
00:24:46,287 --> 00:24:48,589
Uh-huh.

375
00:24:49,223 --> 00:24:50,758
Why?

376
00:24:51,559 --> 00:24:53,027
I'm a photographer.

377
00:24:54,028 --> 00:24:55,229
You didn't ask permission.

378
00:24:55,262 --> 00:24:57,932
-I never ask permission.
-Why not?

379
00:24:57,965 --> 00:25:02,136
Because I work in trenches,
battlefields and combat zones.

380
00:25:02,169 --> 00:25:03,771
Really?

381
00:25:03,804 --> 00:25:05,006
Uh-huh.

382
00:25:05,906 --> 00:25:07,742
You mean you're
a war photographer?

383
00:25:07,775 --> 00:25:08,509
Mostly.

384
00:25:08,542 --> 00:25:11,145
Sometimes I cover
sporting events.

385
00:25:11,178 --> 00:25:13,214
My name is Augie Steenbeck.

386
00:25:13,247 --> 00:25:15,549
Mm-hmm.

387
00:25:17,818 --> 00:25:19,820
What are you gonna do with it?

388
00:25:19,854 --> 00:25:21,055
That picture.

389
00:25:21,088 --> 00:25:24,625
Hmm. Well, if it's any good,
I guess I'll try to sell it

390
00:25:24,658 --> 00:25:26,827
to a magazine,
now that you mention it.

391
00:25:26,861 --> 00:25:29,730
"Midge Campbell
eating a waffle."

392
00:25:32,633 --> 00:25:35,536
Make me a print first,
to approve.

393
00:25:36,203 --> 00:25:38,039
Uh-huh.

394
00:25:39,073 --> 00:25:40,908
This is Dinah.

395
00:25:40,941 --> 00:25:42,043
This is Woodrow.

396
00:25:42,076 --> 00:25:43,210
I have a question.

397
00:25:43,244 --> 00:25:44,712
Uh-huh.

398
00:25:44,745 --> 00:25:46,647
Have you ever been shot
with bullets?

399
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,582
Have I ever been...

400
00:25:48,616 --> 00:25:50,918
Uh, once or twice-- just grazed.

401
00:25:50,951 --> 00:25:54,088
He got shrapneled in the back
of the head, too. Show her.

402
00:25:57,158 --> 00:25:59,093
Hmm.

403
00:26:01,962 --> 00:26:04,698
I don't say I forgive you yet,
by the way.

404
00:26:17,178 --> 00:26:19,747
Welcome from the
United States Military-Science

405
00:26:19,780 --> 00:26:21,749
Research and Experimentation
Division,

406
00:26:21,782 --> 00:26:23,984
in conjunction with
the Larkings Foundation.

407
00:26:24,018 --> 00:26:25,352
We salute you.

408
00:26:35,696 --> 00:26:37,698
Each year,
we celebrate Asteroid Day,

409
00:26:37,731 --> 00:26:40,634
commemorating
September 23, 3007 BC,

410
00:26:40,668 --> 00:26:43,904
when the Arid Plains Meteorite
made Earth impact.

411
00:26:44,905 --> 00:26:46,774
The itinerary for
this three-day celebration

412
00:26:46,807 --> 00:26:48,976
includes a tour of the
newly refurbished observatory

413
00:26:49,009 --> 00:26:51,779
with Dr. Hickenlooper
and her staff,

414
00:26:51,812 --> 00:26:54,148
a picnic supper
of chili and frankfurters

415
00:26:54,181 --> 00:26:56,884
with evening fireworks display,

416
00:26:56,917 --> 00:26:58,953
the viewing of
the astronomical ellipses

417
00:26:58,986 --> 00:27:01,388
at its peak
just before midnight tonight,

418
00:27:01,422 --> 00:27:03,858
and finally,
the awarding of the annual

419
00:27:03,891 --> 00:27:07,895
Hickenlooper Scholarship
after Monday's banquet lunch.

420
00:27:07,928 --> 00:27:10,264
Now, I'll start by presenting
the commemorative medals,

421
00:27:10,297 --> 00:27:12,199
but first,
I'll do my speech first,

422
00:27:12,233 --> 00:27:15,302
which you'll also receive in
a folio edition as a souvenir.

423
00:27:24,478 --> 00:27:26,213
Chapter One.

424
00:27:26,247 --> 00:27:28,249
I walked to school 18 miles
each morning, milked the goats,

425
00:27:28,282 --> 00:27:29,984
plucked the chickens,
played hooky, caught fireflies,

426
00:27:30,017 --> 00:27:31,352
went skinny-dipping
in the watering hole,

427
00:27:31,385 --> 00:27:32,953
said my prayers every night

428
00:27:32,987 --> 00:27:34,421
and got whipped with
a maple switch twice a week.

429
00:27:34,455 --> 00:27:36,690
That was life.

430
00:27:38,192 --> 00:27:39,827
Chapter Two.

431
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:41,795
My father went off to fight
in the war to end all wars--

432
00:27:41,829 --> 00:27:43,164
it didn't--
and what was left of him

433
00:27:43,197 --> 00:27:45,299
came back in a pine box
with a flag on top.

434
00:27:45,332 --> 00:27:47,301
End of Chapter Two.

435
00:27:47,334 --> 00:27:49,170
Next, I went to officer school,

436
00:27:49,203 --> 00:27:51,772
and 20 years passed
at the speed of a dream.

437
00:27:51,805 --> 00:27:54,909
A wife, a son,
a daughter, a poodle.

438
00:27:54,942 --> 00:27:57,044
Chapter Three. Another war.

439
00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:59,146
Arms and legs blown off
like popcorn,

440
00:27:59,180 --> 00:28:02,016
eyeballs gouged out,
figuratively and literally.

441
00:28:02,049 --> 00:28:04,185
The men put on shows
under the palm fronds

442
00:28:04,218 --> 00:28:05,719
dressed as women in hula skirts.

443
00:28:05,753 --> 00:28:07,388
That was life.

444
00:28:07,421 --> 00:28:09,790
In the meantime,
somebody else's story.

445
00:28:09,823 --> 00:28:11,225
A man thinks up a number,

446
00:28:11,258 --> 00:28:13,327
divides it by a trillion,
plugs it into the square root

447
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,862
of the circumference
of the Earth

448
00:28:14,895 --> 00:28:16,430
multiplied by the speed
of a splitting atom,

449
00:28:16,463 --> 00:28:18,265
and voilà, progress.

450
00:28:18,299 --> 00:28:20,234
I'm not a scientist. You are.

451
00:28:20,267 --> 00:28:22,069
End of Chapter Three.

452
00:28:22,102 --> 00:28:24,838
Junior Stargazers
and Space Cadets,

453
00:28:24,872 --> 00:28:27,107
we watch transfixed as you enter

454
00:28:27,141 --> 00:28:30,311
into uncharted territories
of the brains and spirit.

455
00:28:30,344 --> 00:28:33,781
If you wanted to live
a nice, quiet, peaceful life,

456
00:28:33,814 --> 00:28:36,217
you picked the wrong time
to get born.

457
00:28:37,384 --> 00:28:39,253
That's my speech.

458
00:28:47,094 --> 00:28:50,231
Be notified, you are each
the guardian of your own safety.

459
00:28:50,264 --> 00:28:51,533
Maintain alert caution

460
00:28:51,566 --> 00:28:54,068
throughout the following
demonstrations.

461
00:28:55,102 --> 00:28:56,804
<i>To Ricky Cho,</i>
<i>for his work in the field</i>

462
00:28:56,837 --> 00:28:58,172
<i>of aeronautical induction:</i>

463
00:28:58,205 --> 00:29:00,941
<i>the Collapsing Star</i>
<i>Ribbon of Success.</i>

464
00:29:00,975 --> 00:29:03,277
<i>To Clifford Kellogg,</i>
<i>for his work in the study</i>

465
00:29:03,310 --> 00:29:06,280
<i>of particle disintegration:</i>

466
00:29:06,313 --> 00:29:08,249
<i>the Black Hole Badge of Triumph.</i>

467
00:29:08,282 --> 00:29:09,850
<i>To Dinah Campbell...</i>

468
00:29:09,883 --> 00:29:11,418
It's fueled by cosmic radiation
instead of sunlight.

469
00:29:11,452 --> 00:29:13,020
<i>...for her work in the area</i>

470
00:29:13,053 --> 00:29:15,122
<i>of botanical acceleration...</i>

471
00:29:15,155 --> 00:29:18,058
Unfortunately, it makes
all vegetables toxic.

472
00:29:18,092 --> 00:29:20,528
<i>...the Red Giant Sash of Honor.</i>

473
00:29:20,562 --> 00:29:22,129
<i>To Shelly Borden, for her work</i>

474
00:29:22,162 --> 00:29:23,864
<i>in the realm</i>
<i>of mineral fabrication...</i>

475
00:29:23,897 --> 00:29:25,866
I synthesized
an extraterrestrial element.

476
00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:28,302
It's going to be added
to the periodic table next year.

477
00:29:28,335 --> 00:29:31,005
<i>...the Distant Nebula</i>
<i>Laurel Crown.</i>

478
00:29:31,038 --> 00:29:33,774
<i>To Woodrow Steenbeck...</i>

479
00:29:35,009 --> 00:29:38,045
<i>...for his work in the sphere</i>
<i>of astronomical imaging...</i>

480
00:29:42,584 --> 00:29:44,586
It may have applications
in the development

481
00:29:44,619 --> 00:29:46,420
of interstellar advertising.

482
00:29:46,453 --> 00:29:49,256
<i>...the White Dwarf</i>
<i>Medal of Achievement.</i>

483
00:29:54,328 --> 00:29:55,863
Our tour ends here.

484
00:29:55,896 --> 00:29:57,331
Thank you for your attention,
and thank you

485
00:29:57,364 --> 00:30:00,267
to the Larkings Foundation
for their generous funding.

486
00:30:06,907 --> 00:30:09,043
-What do those pulses indicate?
-What?

487
00:30:09,076 --> 00:30:11,011
Oh, the beeps and blips?
We don't know.

488
00:30:11,045 --> 00:30:13,581
Indecipherable radio emissions
from outer space.

489
00:30:13,615 --> 00:30:15,849
-Probably a red herring.
-Does it change ever?

490
00:30:15,883 --> 00:30:17,552
Not to my knowledge.

491
00:30:17,585 --> 00:30:20,020
-It's a date, maybe.
-It's a date?

492
00:30:20,054 --> 00:30:21,455
-On the galactic calendar.
-Maybe.

493
00:30:21,488 --> 00:30:23,991
Mary, we think it's a date
on the galactic calendar.

494
00:30:24,024 --> 00:30:26,193
-What? Wow.
-Is it always today?

495
00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:30,030
♪ Yippee-yay ♪

496
00:30:30,064 --> 00:30:33,967
♪ There'll be no wedding bells
for today ♪

497
00:30:34,001 --> 00:30:37,605
♪ I got spurs that jingle,
jangle, jingle... ♪

498
00:30:37,639 --> 00:30:39,073
We thank thee for the ketchup,

499
00:30:39,106 --> 00:30:40,474
and we thank thee
for the mustard.

500
00:30:40,508 --> 00:30:41,609
We thank thee for the relish,

501
00:30:41,643 --> 00:30:43,377
and we thank thee
for the onions.

502
00:30:43,410 --> 00:30:45,446
-We thank thee for the pickles,
and we thank... -Head count.

503
00:30:45,479 --> 00:30:46,514
-One.
-Two.

504
00:30:46,548 --> 00:30:47,881
-Three.
-Four.

505
00:30:47,915 --> 00:30:49,416
-Five.
-Six.

506
00:30:49,450 --> 00:30:51,118
-Dwight? Where's Dwight?
-Eight.

507
00:30:51,151 --> 00:30:53,487
-Dwight? Dwight?
-Less than 0.0000% chance exists

508
00:30:53,521 --> 00:30:55,923
-of extraterrestrial life
in the entire universe. -Dwight!

509
00:30:55,956 --> 00:30:57,257
It's a scientific fact.

510
00:30:57,291 --> 00:30:59,093
Other than space bugs
and microscopic worms.

511
00:30:59,126 --> 00:31:00,961
-I assertively disagree.
-So do I.

512
00:31:00,994 --> 00:31:02,963
-It's not a scientific fact.
-It's not even a number.

513
00:31:02,996 --> 00:31:04,632
-Pass the pickles, please.
-How's the chili?

514
00:31:04,666 --> 00:31:06,300
-Fine, once you add
the hot sauce. -Thank you.

515
00:31:06,333 --> 00:31:07,968
-Sparkler?
-Consider the constants:

516
00:31:08,001 --> 00:31:09,370
endless space
and immeasurable time.

517
00:31:09,403 --> 00:31:11,939
The likelihood is increased
by a factor of infinity.

518
00:31:11,972 --> 00:31:14,041
-Where'd you get that?
-The cantina machine.

519
00:31:14,074 --> 00:31:16,944
-Where's the cantina machine?
-The cantina machine?

520
00:31:16,977 --> 00:31:20,214
Can you see anything
with those on your face?

521
00:31:20,247 --> 00:31:21,516
Hmm.

522
00:31:21,549 --> 00:31:23,917
Oh, gadzooks. Wh-What'd you...

523
00:31:23,951 --> 00:31:25,386
What did you do to deserve that?

524
00:31:25,419 --> 00:31:26,654
-Nothing.
-Who hit you?

525
00:31:26,688 --> 00:31:28,122
Nobody.

526
00:31:28,155 --> 00:31:30,324
It's greasepaint,
to feel like my character.

527
00:31:30,357 --> 00:31:33,193
Oh.
How does she get a black eye?

528
00:31:33,227 --> 00:31:34,161
In the story.

529
00:31:34,194 --> 00:31:35,630
Well, she doesn't in the story.

530
00:31:35,663 --> 00:31:37,431
-It's on the inside.
-Okay.

531
00:31:37,464 --> 00:31:39,466
-It's supposed to be, anyway.
-It's on the inside. All right.

532
00:31:39,501 --> 00:31:41,201
The Larkings
Foundation claims permanent,

533
00:31:41,235 --> 00:31:43,003
-incontestable rights.
-That's right.

534
00:31:43,036 --> 00:31:44,338
-They're ours. We own them.
-Incontestable rights

535
00:31:44,371 --> 00:31:46,106
to all patents
or inventions derived

536
00:31:46,140 --> 00:31:47,675
from any and every submission,
without exception.

537
00:31:47,709 --> 00:31:49,276
Not for teenagers.
Read the fine print.

538
00:31:49,309 --> 00:31:51,111
The projects all belong
to Uncle Sam.

539
00:31:52,980 --> 00:31:54,682
I call it
"Triple Orbit and Return

540
00:31:54,716 --> 00:31:57,284
without Burning Up
in the Atmosphere."

541
00:32:05,359 --> 00:32:08,028
Why are you sitting there
all by yourself?

542
00:32:08,061 --> 00:32:10,230
-You.
-Hmm?

543
00:32:11,064 --> 00:32:12,734
Uh, are you shy?

544
00:32:12,767 --> 00:32:14,968
I'm a late bloomer.

545
00:32:15,002 --> 00:32:16,638
So I've been told by my parents.

546
00:32:16,671 --> 00:32:19,473
-Are you intimidated by us?
-No.

547
00:32:19,507 --> 00:32:21,743
Let's do a personality test.
What's your name again?

548
00:32:21,776 --> 00:32:23,578
Woodrow L. Steenbeck.

549
00:32:23,611 --> 00:32:25,179
-Hmm.
-What's the "L" for?

550
00:32:25,212 --> 00:32:27,347
-Lindbergh.
-Everybody look at Woodrow.

551
00:32:31,351 --> 00:32:34,589
I agree.
Shy but not intimidated.

552
00:32:34,622 --> 00:32:36,423
Move over here, Woodrow.

553
00:32:49,036 --> 00:32:51,071
-Brainiac, huh?
-Yeah, brainiac.

554
00:32:51,104 --> 00:32:52,607
It sort of goes without saying,
doesn't it?

555
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,242
Everybody already knows
we're abnormally intelligent.

556
00:32:55,275 --> 00:32:57,512
That's true.
My mother made it for me.

557
00:32:57,545 --> 00:33:00,180
It's supposed to be funny,
according to her sense of humor,

558
00:33:00,214 --> 00:33:02,416
but it's not as hilarious
as it was originally.

559
00:33:02,449 --> 00:33:04,084
Oh, really? How come?

560
00:33:04,117 --> 00:33:07,354
Because she was alive then.
Now she's dead.

561
00:33:07,387 --> 00:33:09,389
-Oh.
-Ha-ha.

562
00:33:11,693 --> 00:33:14,027
What was she like?

563
00:33:14,061 --> 00:33:16,363
My... Oh, my mother?

564
00:33:16,396 --> 00:33:18,600
She was, um...

565
00:33:23,337 --> 00:33:25,239
...like this.

566
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,517
When did you lose her?

567
00:33:36,684 --> 00:33:40,788
Officially, this morning,
but I think I already knew.

568
00:33:40,822 --> 00:33:42,790
Howdy.

569
00:33:42,824 --> 00:33:44,324
What are you doing up there?

570
00:33:44,358 --> 00:33:46,728
Just enjoying the desert air.

571
00:33:46,761 --> 00:33:48,696
-You dare me?
-Dare you what?

572
00:33:48,730 --> 00:33:50,665
To jump off this bungalow.

573
00:33:50,698 --> 00:33:53,568
-It's an experiment.
-No.

574
00:33:59,774 --> 00:34:01,509
I love gravity.

575
00:34:01,543 --> 00:34:04,579
It might be my favorite
law of physics at the moment.

576
00:34:06,113 --> 00:34:08,583
Players of the stage,

577
00:34:08,616 --> 00:34:11,451
a tribe of troubadours
and nonconformists.

578
00:34:11,485 --> 00:34:14,689
They lead unconventional,
sometimes dangerous lives

579
00:34:14,722 --> 00:34:18,158
which nourish and elevate
their artistic aspirations

580
00:34:18,191 --> 00:34:20,460
and illuminate
the human condition.

581
00:34:20,494 --> 00:34:22,362
Next: ten weeks later,

582
00:34:22,396 --> 00:34:25,299
the eve of <i>Asteroid City's</i>
first public preview.

583
00:34:25,332 --> 00:34:27,835
A drawing room on board
the Apache Plainsliner

584
00:34:27,869 --> 00:34:30,103
bound for the California coast.

585
00:34:30,137 --> 00:34:32,339
It's open.

586
00:34:33,908 --> 00:34:36,578
Schubert says
you got to come back.

587
00:34:37,612 --> 00:34:39,413
If I'm so important,
why isn't he here himself?

588
00:34:39,446 --> 00:34:41,415
Probably too busy. Too busy
to go chasing after you.

589
00:34:41,448 --> 00:34:43,150
They sent me.
You know who I am?

590
00:34:43,183 --> 00:34:44,586
I think so. Understudy.

591
00:34:44,619 --> 00:34:47,722
The understudy. That's right.
Let me just, uh...

592
00:34:49,356 --> 00:34:51,325
He said, if you're crying,
I read you this one.

593
00:34:51,358 --> 00:34:52,827
No, that's not it. Here it is.

594
00:34:52,860 --> 00:34:54,729
If you're hopping mad,
I read you this one.

595
00:34:54,762 --> 00:34:55,830
Give me both.

596
00:34:55,863 --> 00:34:57,497
Not what he said.
He said, if...

597
00:34:57,532 --> 00:34:59,199
Give me both.

598
00:35:04,672 --> 00:35:06,774
"Tell her she's a stuck-up,
low-class snob

599
00:35:06,808 --> 00:35:08,408
"but she's got
no good reason to be.

600
00:35:08,442 --> 00:35:10,310
"If she sasses you,
sass her back.

601
00:35:10,344 --> 00:35:11,679
"Tell her she's
a borderline neurotic

602
00:35:11,713 --> 00:35:12,747
with an Achilles heel complex."

603
00:35:12,780 --> 00:35:14,649
That's the second one.

604
00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:19,286
"Tell her she relies on
her beauty like a wobbly crutch.

605
00:35:19,319 --> 00:35:20,487
"It's her deepest weakness.

606
00:35:20,521 --> 00:35:21,856
"Tell her
she's got the potential

607
00:35:21,889 --> 00:35:23,490
"for genuine greatness,
but I say

608
00:35:23,524 --> 00:35:26,527
with absolute certainty
she will never achieve it."

609
00:35:26,561 --> 00:35:28,261
Anything else?

610
00:35:29,964 --> 00:35:32,466
Uh-huh. He said,
if you're cool and collected,

611
00:35:32,499 --> 00:35:34,368
which I think is
what I think you seem to be,

612
00:35:34,401 --> 00:35:36,370
then that means you probably
really don't want to come back

613
00:35:36,403 --> 00:35:37,772
and I got to give you this.

614
00:35:37,805 --> 00:35:39,507
-Read it.
-Not what he said.

615
00:35:39,540 --> 00:35:41,776
He said this one's private.
Just the two of you.

616
00:35:41,809 --> 00:35:44,444
He said that... He-he said...

617
00:35:50,283 --> 00:35:51,786
"Dear Kim, I'm sorry I shouted

618
00:35:51,819 --> 00:35:53,821
"and called you a spoiled bitch
and a minor talent

619
00:35:53,855 --> 00:35:56,223
"and broke your glasses
and threw them out the window.

620
00:35:56,256 --> 00:35:57,625
"Given that I have always
considered you

621
00:35:57,659 --> 00:35:59,393
"to be the most consummately
gifted living actress

622
00:35:59,426 --> 00:36:01,328
"and a person of great
intelligence and character,

623
00:36:01,361 --> 00:36:02,930
"these statements and actions

624
00:36:02,964 --> 00:36:05,232
"do not accurately reflect
my true feelings.

625
00:36:05,265 --> 00:36:06,634
"Yes, I may be
a manipulative snake,

626
00:36:06,668 --> 00:36:08,536
"as you once characterized me
behind my back--

627
00:36:08,569 --> 00:36:11,438
"you see, I do have my sources--
but I love you like a sister,

628
00:36:11,471 --> 00:36:13,608
"other than that one time
in the bathroom the day we met,

629
00:36:13,641 --> 00:36:16,544
"which has never been repeated,
as we both know.

630
00:36:21,783 --> 00:36:23,250
"I never meant to hurt you

631
00:36:23,283 --> 00:36:25,419
"or insult you
or offend you in any way,

632
00:36:25,452 --> 00:36:28,255
"only to try with the few tools
I have at my disposal

633
00:36:28,288 --> 00:36:30,825
"to do my job,
which is to make it work.

634
00:36:30,858 --> 00:36:32,325
"Forgive me.

635
00:36:32,359 --> 00:36:34,227
"We open tomorrow night,
with or without you.

636
00:36:34,261 --> 00:36:36,496
"Without,
our entire devoted company

637
00:36:36,531 --> 00:36:38,833
"will suffer complete disaster
and tragic calamity,

638
00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:42,302
"as will a brilliant, fragile
genius named Conrad Earp.

639
00:36:42,335 --> 00:36:45,372
"With, you will enjoy
the triumph of your career,

640
00:36:45,405 --> 00:36:47,642
"which does not matter
in the least.

641
00:36:47,675 --> 00:36:51,344
"All that matters is
every second of life onstage

642
00:36:51,378 --> 00:36:52,914
"and our friendship.

643
00:36:52,947 --> 00:36:54,414
"Your servant, your director

644
00:36:54,448 --> 00:36:56,984
"and, if I may,
your devoted mentor,

645
00:36:57,018 --> 00:36:59,219
Schubert Green."

646
00:37:05,392 --> 00:37:07,762
What's your name, understudy?

647
00:37:09,429 --> 00:37:11,966
They continued through
the night as far as Ohio,

648
00:37:11,999 --> 00:37:14,468
then disembarked
and caught the return flight

649
00:37:14,502 --> 00:37:17,505
arriving two hours
prior to curtain.

650
00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:20,641
The talented understudy
immediately replaced

651
00:37:20,675 --> 00:37:22,810
the original Woodrow.

652
00:37:23,845 --> 00:37:25,312
I strongly question

653
00:37:25,345 --> 00:37:26,614
whether your daughter's
Silly Putty

654
00:37:26,647 --> 00:37:28,381
resembles anything
from outer space.

655
00:37:28,415 --> 00:37:30,350
-It's not Silly Putty.
-I'm sorry, but I doubt it.

656
00:37:30,383 --> 00:37:31,619
It's called S'morestozium.

657
00:37:31,652 --> 00:37:33,054
-This is excellent.
-Thank you.

658
00:37:33,087 --> 00:37:34,722
It's really all
the machine's doing.

659
00:37:34,756 --> 00:37:36,891
What the devil do you know
about astrogeology anyway,

660
00:37:36,924 --> 00:37:38,492
J.J., whatever that stands for?

661
00:37:38,526 --> 00:37:39,894
I just maintain the workings.

662
00:37:39,927 --> 00:37:41,495
Shelly's thesis
is supported by...

663
00:37:41,529 --> 00:37:42,764
Flimsy, outdated evidence.

664
00:37:42,797 --> 00:37:44,565
-I beg your pardon?
-Not in my opinion.

665
00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:46,333
I liked the Silly Putty
or S'morestozium, in fact.

666
00:37:46,366 --> 00:37:47,535
I'm just quoting what he said.

667
00:37:47,568 --> 00:37:48,903
Your son's project
might very well

668
00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:50,437
have killed us all today,
by the way.

669
00:37:50,470 --> 00:37:51,839
Coming from the family
that brought us

670
00:37:51,873 --> 00:37:53,508
-the electromagnetic death ray.
-It's a weapon.

671
00:37:53,541 --> 00:37:55,543
-Of course it's lethal.
-So you admit it.

672
00:37:55,576 --> 00:37:57,512
Not to mention Brainiac's flag.

673
00:37:57,545 --> 00:37:59,346
I mean, is he trying to provoke
World War Three or something?

674
00:37:59,379 --> 00:38:00,782
The jet propulsion belt
is eminently safe.

675
00:38:00,815 --> 00:38:02,617
I'd allow an eight-year-old boy
to operate it.

676
00:38:02,650 --> 00:38:04,652
In fact, I did--
Ricky's cousin Chip--

677
00:38:04,685 --> 00:38:07,822
and he broke the solo flight
altitude record.

678
00:38:07,855 --> 00:38:09,557
They're strange, aren't they?

679
00:38:09,590 --> 00:38:11,424
Your children,
compared to normal people.

680
00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:12,894
-Yes.
-That's correct.

681
00:38:12,927 --> 00:38:14,729
-It's true.
-Hmm.

682
00:38:14,762 --> 00:38:16,597
After that, the second person

683
00:38:16,631 --> 00:38:18,599
says the name the first one
said, then adds another.

684
00:38:18,633 --> 00:38:20,535
Then the third person says both
plus a new name.

685
00:38:20,568 --> 00:38:22,837
And then the next person keeps
going, and so on in a circle.

686
00:38:22,870 --> 00:38:23,938
It's a memory game. Get it?

687
00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:25,405
I'll start. Cleopatra.

688
00:38:25,438 --> 00:38:27,041
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose.

689
00:38:27,074 --> 00:38:28,375
-Like that?
-Exactly.

690
00:38:28,408 --> 00:38:29,677
-Of course. Yes.
-Got it.

691
00:38:29,710 --> 00:38:32,113
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,

692
00:38:32,146 --> 00:38:34,481
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek.

693
00:38:34,515 --> 00:38:36,117
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,

694
00:38:36,150 --> 00:38:39,486
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus.

695
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:40,955
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,

696
00:38:40,988 --> 00:38:44,725
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus, uh, Kurt Gödel.

697
00:38:44,759 --> 00:38:45,526
Oh, the Vienna Circle.

698
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:47,929
-The Austrian logician.
-Correct.

699
00:38:48,963 --> 00:38:50,731
Cleopatra,

700
00:38:50,765 --> 00:38:52,733
Jagadish Chandra Bose,

701
00:38:52,767 --> 00:38:54,702
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,

702
00:38:54,735 --> 00:38:56,704
Paracelsus,

703
00:38:56,737 --> 00:38:58,438
Kurt Gödel,

704
00:38:58,471 --> 00:38:59,874
-William Bragg.
-Which one?

705
00:38:59,907 --> 00:39:01,776
-There's two.
-William Henry Bragg.

706
00:39:01,809 --> 00:39:03,945
-I prefer the son.
-The father's better.

707
00:39:03,978 --> 00:39:06,446
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,

708
00:39:06,479 --> 00:39:08,149
-Antonie van...
-Leeuwenhoek.

709
00:39:08,182 --> 00:39:10,952
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,

710
00:39:10,985 --> 00:39:12,385
William Henry Bragg.

711
00:39:12,419 --> 00:39:14,454
-And the new one.
-Lord Kelvin.

712
00:39:14,487 --> 00:39:16,489
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose,

713
00:39:16,524 --> 00:39:18,659
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,

714
00:39:18,693 --> 00:39:21,596
William Henry Bragg,
Lord Kelvin...

715
00:39:21,629 --> 00:39:23,564
Midge Campbell. Can I say her?

716
00:39:23,598 --> 00:39:25,633
As long as she's a real person,
you can say anybody you like.

717
00:39:25,666 --> 00:39:27,168
Cleopatra,
Jagadish Chandra Bose...

718
00:39:27,201 --> 00:39:28,836
-Including my mother.
-She's my idol.

719
00:39:28,870 --> 00:39:31,005
My turn. Jagadish Chandra Bose,
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,

720
00:39:31,038 --> 00:39:33,641
Paracelsus, Kurt Gödel,
William Bragg, the father,

721
00:39:33,674 --> 00:39:35,176
Lord Kelvin,
the mathematical physicist,

722
00:39:35,209 --> 00:39:37,477
Midge Campbell, your mother,

723
00:39:37,511 --> 00:39:39,747
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,
the rocket scientist.

724
00:39:39,780 --> 00:39:41,782
I don't know
if this game works with us.

725
00:39:41,816 --> 00:39:43,117
Uh, brainiacs, I mean.

726
00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:44,484
I-I think
it might go on forever.

727
00:39:44,518 --> 00:39:45,620
I don't mind.

728
00:39:45,653 --> 00:39:47,021
In my school, nobody'd play

729
00:39:47,054 --> 00:39:48,756
this game with me
in a million years.

730
00:39:48,789 --> 00:39:50,457
Plus, the names
would be too obvious.

731
00:39:50,490 --> 00:39:51,759
I know my next one: Diophantus.

732
00:39:51,792 --> 00:39:53,194
Wait until it's time to say it.

733
00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:55,428
Try it backwards, Brainiac.

734
00:39:55,462 --> 00:39:57,430
Say the new one first.

735
00:39:59,066 --> 00:40:01,569
Hojo Tokiyuki,

736
00:40:01,602 --> 00:40:03,638
Konstantin Tsiolkovsky,

737
00:40:03,671 --> 00:40:05,673
Midge Campbell, Lord Kelvin,

738
00:40:05,706 --> 00:40:08,209
William Henry Bragg, Kurt Gödel,

739
00:40:08,242 --> 00:40:10,645
Paracelsus,
Antonie van Leeuwenhoek,

740
00:40:10,678 --> 00:40:12,914
Jagadish Chandra Bose...

741
00:40:14,682 --> 00:40:16,617
Cleopatra.

742
00:40:30,097 --> 00:40:33,034
Put out that cigarette, Dwight.

743
00:40:33,067 --> 00:40:34,568
Oh, hold on. Hold on.

744
00:40:34,602 --> 00:40:36,671
You men should be ashamed
of yourselves. Are you?

745
00:40:36,704 --> 00:40:38,205
Yes, ma'am,
but we didn't give him that.

746
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:39,607
-Didn't you?
-That cigarette.

747
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:41,075
He just must have got it
his own self

748
00:40:41,108 --> 00:40:42,944
-from the cigarette machine.
-Dwight!

749
00:40:46,714 --> 00:40:48,215
I almost believe you.

750
00:40:48,249 --> 00:40:50,051
Let's go.

751
00:40:52,086 --> 00:40:54,155
-So long, Dwight.
-So long, Dwight.

752
00:41:12,707 --> 00:41:14,809
<i>Was I ever there?</i>

753
00:41:15,609 --> 00:41:17,611
<i>Was I ever there?</i>

754
00:41:18,312 --> 00:41:21,481
Was I... ever there?

755
00:41:25,653 --> 00:41:27,254
Memorizing my lines.

756
00:41:27,288 --> 00:41:29,290
Uh-huh.

757
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,795
Approved.

758
00:41:43,304 --> 00:41:47,942
♪ As I walked out in
the streets of Laredo ♪

759
00:41:47,975 --> 00:41:52,646
♪ As I walked out
in Laredo one day ♪

760
00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:54,782
♪ I spied a young cowboy... ♪

761
00:41:54,815 --> 00:41:57,651
I do a nude scene.
You want to see it?

762
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,756
-Huh? Did I say yes?
-You didn't say anything.

763
00:42:01,789 --> 00:42:03,891
Uh, I meant yes. My mouth...
my mouth didn't speak.

764
00:42:03,924 --> 00:42:04,925
It's a monologue.

765
00:42:04,959 --> 00:42:07,228
Pretend it starts
when I step out of the shower.

766
00:42:07,261 --> 00:42:09,563
♪ That you are a cowboy ♪

767
00:42:09,597 --> 00:42:11,132
♪ These words he did say ♪

768
00:42:11,165 --> 00:42:14,335
♪ As I boldly walked by ♪

769
00:42:14,368 --> 00:42:18,973
♪ Come sit down beside me
and hear my sad story ♪

770
00:42:19,006 --> 00:42:23,911
♪ I'm shot in the breast
and I know I must die... ♪

771
00:42:25,980 --> 00:42:28,182
When you first picked me out
of the secretarial pool,

772
00:42:28,215 --> 00:42:30,718
I had $111 in my bank account.

773
00:42:30,751 --> 00:42:32,586
I lived alone
with a cat and a parakeet

774
00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:33,954
in a one-room dishwater flat.

775
00:42:33,988 --> 00:42:36,190
I sold the DeSoto
to lend you the down payment

776
00:42:36,223 --> 00:42:37,858
for my engagement ring.

777
00:42:37,892 --> 00:42:39,060
It was spring.

778
00:42:39,093 --> 00:42:40,694
I'm not sore.

779
00:42:40,728 --> 00:42:42,930
I know you're a good man.

780
00:42:42,963 --> 00:42:44,198
I'm not sorry.

781
00:42:44,231 --> 00:42:46,333
I never deceived you.

782
00:42:46,367 --> 00:42:48,936
Remember me as a blur
in the rearview mirror.

783
00:42:48,969 --> 00:42:50,671
Was I ever there?

784
00:42:50,704 --> 00:42:52,773
Did you actually see me?

785
00:42:54,241 --> 00:42:56,744
I can't even see myself anymore.

786
00:42:58,979 --> 00:43:01,182
But here I am.

787
00:43:04,785 --> 00:43:07,021
Let's get divorced.

788
00:43:09,824 --> 00:43:11,292
It'll be done tastefully,
of course.

789
00:43:11,325 --> 00:43:14,195
We cut to the back of my legs
when the towel falls down.

790
00:43:16,697 --> 00:43:18,632
Sometimes they sometimes
do a stunt double.

791
00:43:18,666 --> 00:43:20,634
Sometimes.

792
00:43:20,668 --> 00:43:22,703
I don't know if I like beards,
by the way.

793
00:43:22,736 --> 00:43:24,105
Oh.

794
00:43:24,138 --> 00:43:25,706
Can I take another picture?

795
00:43:25,739 --> 00:43:27,675
Not for publication.

796
00:43:28,342 --> 00:43:30,077
I thought
you never ask permission.

797
00:43:34,148 --> 00:43:36,016
Don't move.

798
00:43:44,158 --> 00:43:46,127
I prefer to play abused,
tragic alcoholics,

799
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:48,195
and one day, I'll probably
be discovered lifeless

800
00:43:48,229 --> 00:43:50,131
in an overflowing bathtub
with an empty bottle

801
00:43:50,164 --> 00:43:53,000
of sleeping pills spilled
all over the floor, but...

802
00:43:53,033 --> 00:43:57,304
the sad thing is I'm actually
a very gifted comedienne.

803
00:43:57,338 --> 00:43:59,406
-That's true.
-Are you married?

804
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:02,243
I'm a widower,
but don't tell my kids.

805
00:44:02,276 --> 00:44:03,878
-Why not?
-I-I...

806
00:44:03,911 --> 00:44:05,846
-I mean, I wasn't going to.
-All right. Okay.

807
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:07,748
-Yeah.
-Oh. I'm sorry.

808
00:44:07,781 --> 00:44:11,886
Thank you. They do know,
by the way, but just barely.

809
00:44:20,194 --> 00:44:21,428
What do you swap for

810
00:44:21,462 --> 00:44:23,397
out of this particular jukebox,
mister?

811
00:44:23,430 --> 00:44:25,166
Of course. I understand.

812
00:44:25,199 --> 00:44:26,834
This machine sells land.

813
00:44:26,867 --> 00:44:28,302
-Land, you say?
-Yes, indeed.

814
00:44:28,335 --> 00:44:30,304
The properties just beyond
these cottages, in fact.

815
00:44:30,337 --> 00:44:31,939
Out of this here
soda pop machine?

816
00:44:31,972 --> 00:44:33,007
Yes, indeed.

817
00:44:35,009 --> 00:44:37,077
Well, now, I ain't calling you
a liar to your face,

818
00:44:37,111 --> 00:44:39,113
but that sounds to me like
some kind of toadswindle.

819
00:44:39,146 --> 00:44:41,048
Of course. I understand.
It's not a toadswindle.

820
00:44:41,081 --> 00:44:42,783
You put in the money,
you receive

821
00:44:42,816 --> 00:44:44,351
a notarized deed to the land.

822
00:44:44,385 --> 00:44:45,953
How big a spread?

823
00:44:45,986 --> 00:44:47,421
For ten dollars in quarters,

824
00:44:47,454 --> 00:44:50,090
approximately half
a tennis court.

825
00:44:56,430 --> 00:44:59,433
Put the potion in it.

826
00:44:59,466 --> 00:45:01,969
Friskity, triskity,
briskity, boo.

827
00:45:02,002 --> 00:45:05,039
Knickerty, knockerty,
tockerty, too.

828
00:45:06,106 --> 00:45:11,345
And with this spell,
Mama comes back alive!

829
00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:14,114
God save these bones.

830
00:45:20,821 --> 00:45:22,823
What's in the Tupperware?

831
00:45:22,856 --> 00:45:24,425
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

832
00:45:24,458 --> 00:45:27,361
♪ Going so fast... ♪

833
00:45:27,394 --> 00:45:29,964
He finally told you.

834
00:45:30,898 --> 00:45:33,501
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪

835
00:45:33,535 --> 00:45:37,905
♪ Won't you tell me
where's he gone... ♪

836
00:45:41,275 --> 00:45:43,110
Who's this old man?

837
00:45:43,143 --> 00:45:44,778
Poppy, I think.

838
00:45:44,812 --> 00:45:46,347
You don't remember me.

839
00:45:46,380 --> 00:45:48,382
I remember his smell.

840
00:45:55,856 --> 00:45:57,858
We're not going to abandon
my daughter

841
00:45:57,891 --> 00:45:59,827
at a motel
in the middle of the desert

842
00:45:59,860 --> 00:46:02,930
buried next to
the communal showers.

843
00:46:04,131 --> 00:46:06,133
-You're ruining the funeral!
-He's making her go to hell!

844
00:46:06,166 --> 00:46:09,803
If you torture us,
we'll sacrifice you.

845
00:46:09,837 --> 00:46:11,372
I understand.

846
00:46:11,405 --> 00:46:14,875
Thank you for your clarity.

847
00:46:14,908 --> 00:46:17,077
I'll tell you what--
let's leave her

848
00:46:17,111 --> 00:46:19,013
alone in the ground
until tomorrow morning.

849
00:46:19,046 --> 00:46:20,548
Then we'll exhume
the Tupperware,

850
00:46:20,582 --> 00:46:22,349
bring her with us
in the Cadillac

851
00:46:22,383 --> 00:46:24,885
and bury her again this weekend
in the backyard

852
00:46:24,918 --> 00:46:26,387
next to the seventh hole
at Rancho Palms,

853
00:46:26,420 --> 00:46:28,556
where I live in a beautiful
house with a swimming pool.

854
00:46:28,590 --> 00:46:30,157
Agreed?

855
00:46:30,190 --> 00:46:32,059
-Mm-hmm.
-Okay.

856
00:46:33,260 --> 00:46:35,195
Let's hope a coyote doesn't
dig her up in the meantime.

857
00:46:35,229 --> 00:46:37,097
Nothing we can do about it
anyway.

858
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,068
Ooh. Look at that.

859
00:46:56,216 --> 00:46:58,118
Tonight, you're in
for a real treat.

860
00:46:58,152 --> 00:47:00,054
I don't know how many of you
ever observed

861
00:47:00,087 --> 00:47:01,922
an astronomical ellipses before.

862
00:47:01,955 --> 00:47:04,825
In fact, can we get
a show of hands?

863
00:47:05,527 --> 00:47:07,127
Nobody?

864
00:47:07,161 --> 00:47:09,063
Wow. Okay.

865
00:47:09,096 --> 00:47:12,933
Well, what you're gonna see
is a very simple dot-dot-dot:

866
00:47:12,966 --> 00:47:15,336
three pinpoints of light
inside your refracting box,

867
00:47:15,369 --> 00:47:17,871
which may not sound
very exciting at first,

868
00:47:17,905 --> 00:47:19,340
until you consider
how those dots

869
00:47:19,373 --> 00:47:20,608
managed to transmit themselves

870
00:47:20,642 --> 00:47:22,610
across a thousand billion miles
of space

871
00:47:22,644 --> 00:47:25,613
onto that little scrap
of black cardboard.

872
00:47:25,647 --> 00:47:27,481
Twice every 57 years,

873
00:47:27,515 --> 00:47:29,216
when the Earth,
the sun, the moon

874
00:47:29,249 --> 00:47:31,085
and the galactic plane
of the Milky Way

875
00:47:31,118 --> 00:47:33,987
all combobulate along the same
angle of orbital interest,

876
00:47:34,021 --> 00:47:37,291
the radiant energy of three
neighboring stellar systems

877
00:47:37,324 --> 00:47:39,259
induces a parallel
ecliptic transit,

878
00:47:39,293 --> 00:47:41,061
thus all but proving

879
00:47:41,095 --> 00:47:43,297
the hypothesis
of celestial flirtation.

880
00:47:43,330 --> 00:47:46,367
The hitch, of course,
is that the math doesn't work.

881
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,068
But maybe one of you one day

882
00:47:48,102 --> 00:47:50,204
will be the genius
who solves that problem.

883
00:47:50,237 --> 00:47:53,273
The event will begin
in 30 seconds.

884
00:47:53,307 --> 00:47:55,376
Remember, if you look directly
at the ellipses

885
00:47:55,409 --> 00:47:57,111
rather than through
your refracting box,

886
00:47:57,144 --> 00:47:58,979
not only will you
not actually see the effect

887
00:47:59,012 --> 00:48:00,381
but you will burn the dots

888
00:48:00,414 --> 00:48:02,349
straight into your retina,
probably permanently.

889
00:48:02,383 --> 00:48:04,985
I know that for a fact, because
they're still burned into mine

890
00:48:05,018 --> 00:48:06,954
from when I was 11 going on 12.

891
00:48:06,987 --> 00:48:09,423
That's when I realized
I wanted to be an astronomer,

892
00:48:09,456 --> 00:48:10,592
which is another story.

893
00:48:10,625 --> 00:48:11,659
Here we go.

894
00:48:38,185 --> 00:48:39,621
There it is.

895
00:48:41,321 --> 00:48:43,090
Uh, these are just such

896
00:48:43,123 --> 00:48:45,025
marvelously luminous colors,
aren't they?

897
00:48:45,058 --> 00:48:47,227
Very exciting.
Does everybody see it?

898
00:48:47,261 --> 00:48:49,930
I don't. I just see a staple.

899
00:48:53,668 --> 00:48:55,936
Yipe! It works.

900
00:48:56,571 --> 00:48:58,105
Are you Shelly?

901
00:48:58,138 --> 00:48:59,306
Yeah.

902
00:48:59,339 --> 00:49:01,709
I'm your idol. What's your rank?

903
00:49:01,743 --> 00:49:03,977
Commanding secretary.

904
00:49:04,011 --> 00:49:05,547
I was a Cookie Trooper myself.

905
00:49:05,580 --> 00:49:07,080
Really? Wow.

906
00:49:07,114 --> 00:49:09,483
What'll they say in Squad 75?

907
00:49:13,287 --> 00:49:14,955
Hmm?

908
00:51:56,416 --> 00:52:00,487
The, uh, alien
stole the asteroid.

909
00:52:14,569 --> 00:52:18,305
Schubert Green,
born Shylock Grzworvszowski.

910
00:52:18,338 --> 00:52:19,907
Director, immigrant.

911
00:52:19,941 --> 00:52:24,277
Known for his limitless energy,
his voracious enthusiasms--

912
00:52:24,311 --> 00:52:26,547
a well-known actress
described him sexually

913
00:52:26,581 --> 00:52:29,416
as an animal,
specifically a rabbit--

914
00:52:29,449 --> 00:52:32,920
and his long, deep
and intimate relationship

915
00:52:32,954 --> 00:52:35,255
with success.

916
00:52:35,288 --> 00:52:37,391
What do you think, Lunky?

917
00:52:37,424 --> 00:52:39,426
Good.

918
00:52:44,297 --> 00:52:46,400
I'm not going to ask
what the hell's going on here.

919
00:52:46,433 --> 00:52:49,570
His wife Polly left him
for an all-star second baseman

920
00:52:49,604 --> 00:52:52,305
during the first week
of rehearsals.

921
00:52:52,339 --> 00:52:54,274
My living quarters.

922
00:52:54,307 --> 00:52:56,276
♪ Oh, Rose ♪

923
00:52:56,309 --> 00:52:58,646
♪ My Rose Marie... ♪

924
00:52:58,680 --> 00:52:59,947
Sign this.

925
00:52:59,981 --> 00:53:02,182
Oh, no.

926
00:53:03,383 --> 00:53:06,219
It's Clark's report card.

927
00:53:06,253 --> 00:53:08,355
Uh-huh. What'd you think it was?

928
00:53:08,388 --> 00:53:10,692
I thought maybe
we were already divorced.

929
00:53:10,725 --> 00:53:11,893
Oh.

930
00:53:11,926 --> 00:53:14,294
Not yet, but eventually.

931
00:53:14,327 --> 00:53:16,898
He made the honor roll again.

932
00:53:16,931 --> 00:53:21,234
♪ Oh, Rose Marie ♪

933
00:53:21,268 --> 00:53:24,505
♪ I love you ♪

934
00:53:24,539 --> 00:53:27,842
♪ I'm always dreaming... ♪

935
00:53:30,343 --> 00:53:32,345
I'm staying at
Diego's penthouse.

936
00:53:32,379 --> 00:53:34,916
Clark's at my mother's.
The apartment's empty.

937
00:53:34,949 --> 00:53:36,651
Why don't you just go home?

938
00:53:36,684 --> 00:53:39,520
I don't think I should be alone
in a building with real windows.

939
00:53:42,957 --> 00:53:44,959
Makeup cuts my hair
and shaves me.

940
00:53:44,992 --> 00:53:47,360
Costumes washes my dungarees.

941
00:53:47,394 --> 00:53:50,732
This is where I belong, for now.

942
00:53:50,765 --> 00:53:52,332
Much better.

943
00:53:52,365 --> 00:53:54,502
-Did you do the green?
-Hmm.

944
00:53:57,672 --> 00:54:00,007
It's been a great ten years,
Schubert.

945
00:54:00,041 --> 00:54:02,342
I don't regret a second of it.

946
00:54:02,375 --> 00:54:04,746
Clark still loves you.

947
00:54:04,779 --> 00:54:06,848
I still love you.

948
00:54:06,881 --> 00:54:08,649
But not like before?

949
00:54:09,684 --> 00:54:11,753
But not like before.

950
00:54:19,794 --> 00:54:21,896
Schubert Green lived
in the scenic bay

951
00:54:21,929 --> 00:54:23,430
of the Tarkington Theater

952
00:54:23,463 --> 00:54:27,334
for all 785 performances
of <i>Asteroid City.</i>

953
00:54:27,367 --> 00:54:28,770
Dark nights, he stayed

954
00:54:28,803 --> 00:54:31,506
in the Governor's Suite
of the Nebraska Hotel.

955
00:54:31,539 --> 00:54:33,508
One last note.

956
00:54:33,541 --> 00:54:36,677
When Midge makes her exit
in Act Three, Scene Five,

957
00:54:36,711 --> 00:54:39,981
try having her say the line
after she closes the door.

958
00:54:40,014 --> 00:54:43,618
Hmm. Maybe we are doomed.

959
00:54:43,651 --> 00:54:44,986
I will.

960
00:54:45,019 --> 00:54:50,423
♪ My Rose Marie. ♪

961
00:54:50,457 --> 00:54:51,993
Goodbye.

962
00:55:38,139 --> 00:55:40,373
Here he comes.

963
00:55:41,042 --> 00:55:43,376
I've just informed
the president.

964
00:55:43,410 --> 00:55:45,478
He authorized me to read
and implement the provisions

965
00:55:45,513 --> 00:55:47,715
of National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X.

966
00:55:47,748 --> 00:55:49,416
Here I go.

967
00:55:49,449 --> 00:55:50,852
"The following
top secret directive

968
00:55:50,885 --> 00:55:54,155
was mandated into law
on July 1, 1950."

969
00:55:54,188 --> 00:55:55,857
"In the event
of unforeseen engagement

970
00:55:55,890 --> 00:55:58,159
"with intelligent life-form
or forms from any planet

971
00:55:58,192 --> 00:56:00,127
"not specifically defined
as our Earth,

972
00:56:00,161 --> 00:56:02,462
"be advised to initiate
the following protocols:

973
00:56:02,495 --> 00:56:04,464
"One, confirm said life-form

974
00:56:04,497 --> 00:56:05,967
"is not operating
under the guidance

975
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,702
of any hostile foreign
terrestrial government."

976
00:56:07,735 --> 00:56:09,469
No, I don't think
he's working for the Russians

977
00:56:09,503 --> 00:56:10,872
or the Red Chinese,
but you never know.

978
00:56:10,905 --> 00:56:12,707
He certainly didn't give me
that impression.

979
00:56:12,740 --> 00:56:15,408
"Two, confirm the life-form
does not intend to annex,

980
00:56:15,442 --> 00:56:17,712
"colonize, vaporize
or expropriate the resources

981
00:56:17,745 --> 00:56:20,413
of the sovereign territories of
the United States of America."

982
00:56:20,447 --> 00:56:22,583
I doubt it.
He took the asteroid and went.

983
00:56:22,617 --> 00:56:24,652
"Three, identify and detain
all possible witnesses

984
00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:26,153
"and place them
under group arrest

985
00:56:26,187 --> 00:56:27,755
"for a period
of no less than one week--

986
00:56:27,788 --> 00:56:29,190
"defined as
seven calendar days--

987
00:56:29,223 --> 00:56:30,791
"during which time
they be subjected

988
00:56:30,825 --> 00:56:32,727
"to a prescribed battery
of medical and psychological

989
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:34,629
examinations
and cross-examinations."

990
00:56:34,662 --> 00:56:36,631
Standard procedure.
Already in the works.

991
00:56:36,664 --> 00:56:38,099
"Four, secure the site,

992
00:56:38,132 --> 00:56:39,667
"cease the dissemination
of information,

993
00:56:39,700 --> 00:56:41,502
"collect and transport
the totality of evidence

994
00:56:41,535 --> 00:56:42,770
"to a hermetically enclosed,

995
00:56:42,803 --> 00:56:44,205
"deep-underground
secret storage facility

996
00:56:44,238 --> 00:56:46,040
"and publicly deny
all aspects of the event,

997
00:56:46,073 --> 00:56:48,175
"including its existence,
for a period of no less than

998
00:56:48,209 --> 00:56:51,045
100 years--
defined as 36,500 days."

999
00:56:51,078 --> 00:56:52,713
End of directive.

1000
00:56:52,747 --> 00:56:54,181
-That's pretty clear.
-Huh.

1001
00:56:54,215 --> 00:56:55,583
-What do we tell them?
-Who?

1002
00:56:55,616 --> 00:56:56,784
The Junior Stargazers,

1003
00:56:56,817 --> 00:56:58,185
the Space Cadets,
the moms and dads.

1004
00:56:58,219 --> 00:57:00,588
-Midge Campbell.
-Midge Campbell.

1005
00:57:00,621 --> 00:57:02,189
Tell them it didn't happen?

1006
00:57:03,858 --> 00:57:06,127
No, obviously,
we'll have to formulate

1007
00:57:06,160 --> 00:57:08,829
a suitable cover story.

1008
00:57:11,165 --> 00:57:13,067
You dare me?

1009
00:57:14,735 --> 00:57:17,470
-Dare you what?
-To press that button.

1010
00:57:18,572 --> 00:57:20,708
I will break your neck.

1011
00:57:20,741 --> 00:57:22,209
That's an alien eating an apple.

1012
00:57:22,243 --> 00:57:23,611
That's an alien
doing jumping jacks.

1013
00:57:23,644 --> 00:57:24,812
That's an alien in a top hat.

1014
00:57:24,845 --> 00:57:26,647
That's an alien
climbing a ladder.

1015
00:57:26,681 --> 00:57:27,882
That's an alien on a racehorse.
That's an alien...

1016
00:57:27,915 --> 00:57:29,684
Let's take it from the top.

1017
00:57:29,717 --> 00:57:32,520
I told you 50 times, the alien
picked up the asteroid...

1018
00:57:32,553 --> 00:57:33,988
-Alleged alien.
-I know what I saw!

1019
00:57:34,021 --> 00:57:35,690
-It's called a meteorite.
-An extraterrestrial being.

1020
00:57:35,723 --> 00:57:37,490
This is a microfiche
of your school newspaper.

1021
00:57:37,525 --> 00:57:39,126
Your byline accompanies
an article criticizing

1022
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:40,995
the principal's
disciplinary methods.

1023
00:57:41,028 --> 00:57:43,564
-Who were your sources?
-I was in the sixth grade.

1024
00:57:43,597 --> 00:57:45,633
-Just answer the question.
-And I will not name names!

1025
00:57:49,870 --> 00:57:51,605
-You dared me!
-What did I say?

1026
00:57:51,639 --> 00:57:53,574
-What did I say?
-You dared me!

1027
00:58:02,116 --> 00:58:04,685
All right. Um...

1028
00:58:04,719 --> 00:58:08,055
♪ When I'm calling you... ♪

1029
00:58:08,089 --> 00:58:09,657
I'm going to attempt to proceed

1030
00:58:09,690 --> 00:58:11,759
with the lesson plan
I originally prepared.

1031
00:58:11,792 --> 00:58:13,894
Just to keep orderliness
under the circumstances.

1032
00:58:13,928 --> 00:58:15,262
I expect that some...

1033
00:58:15,296 --> 00:58:16,864
some of our information
about outer space

1034
00:58:16,897 --> 00:58:18,632
may no longer be
completely accurate,

1035
00:58:18,666 --> 00:58:21,035
but, anyway, there are still
only nine planets

1036
00:58:21,068 --> 00:58:23,237
in the solar system,
as far as we know. Billy?

1037
00:58:23,270 --> 00:58:25,506
Except now there's a alien.

1038
00:58:26,173 --> 00:58:28,242
True, by all appearances.

1039
00:58:28,275 --> 00:58:29,744
Nevertheless, Neptune:

1040
00:58:29,777 --> 00:58:31,612
Fourth largest planet
by diameter,

1041
00:58:31,645 --> 00:58:34,215
Neptune orbits the sun
only once every 165 years.

1042
00:58:34,248 --> 00:58:35,316
Bernice?

1043
00:58:35,349 --> 00:58:38,085
Maybe the alien went there.

1044
00:58:38,119 --> 00:58:40,121
Well, maybe.

1045
00:58:40,154 --> 00:58:41,822
I don't think anybody knows

1046
00:58:41,856 --> 00:58:44,025
where the alien went
or came from.

1047
00:58:44,058 --> 00:58:45,659
Yes, Dwight?

1048
00:58:45,693 --> 00:58:47,161
At first, I thought the alien
was kind of sneaky,

1049
00:58:47,194 --> 00:58:49,797
but now I think he was probably
nervous to go to Earth.

1050
00:58:49,830 --> 00:58:51,766
He's never been here before,
I bet you.

1051
00:58:51,799 --> 00:58:53,167
Then why'd he steal
our asteroid, then,

1052
00:58:53,200 --> 00:58:54,635
if he's such a gentleman?

1053
00:58:54,668 --> 00:58:56,604
These are all
reasonable questions,

1054
00:58:56,637 --> 00:58:58,672
but at this time,
let's stick to Neptune

1055
00:58:58,706 --> 00:59:00,775
because I haven't had time
to prepare any lesson plan

1056
00:59:00,808 --> 00:59:02,209
on this subject
we're talking about.

1057
00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:03,644
The alien.

1058
00:59:03,677 --> 00:59:05,579
The alien, yes.

1059
00:59:06,714 --> 00:59:09,183
And, by the way, I don't mean
to evade your questions.

1060
00:59:09,216 --> 00:59:11,052
I want to emphasize
that you're safe.

1061
00:59:11,085 --> 00:59:12,787
We all are, here on Earth.

1062
00:59:12,820 --> 00:59:15,356
Your parents have been notified
of at least something.

1063
00:59:15,389 --> 00:59:18,192
America remains at peace.

1064
00:59:18,225 --> 00:59:20,161
Yes, Montana?

1065
00:59:20,194 --> 00:59:23,330
I'd like to parley a notion
myself, if I could, June.

1066
00:59:23,364 --> 00:59:25,766
Um...

1067
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:27,568
Okay.

1068
00:59:32,673 --> 00:59:34,341
I figure this here alien
come from a tribe

1069
00:59:34,375 --> 00:59:36,277
we don't know
nothing 'bout, do we?

1070
00:59:36,310 --> 00:59:39,080
Anything we say'd
just be pure speculation.

1071
00:59:39,113 --> 00:59:41,015
But I tell you what I reckon.

1072
00:59:41,048 --> 00:59:44,652
I reckon that alien
don't mean no harm at all.

1073
00:59:44,685 --> 00:59:46,187
I reckon he just
took hisself down here

1074
00:59:46,220 --> 00:59:49,223
to have a look-see at the land
and the peoples on it.

1075
00:59:49,256 --> 00:59:51,725
In the spirit of exploration.

1076
00:59:51,759 --> 00:59:55,096
See, I don't look on a feller
alien all suspicious-like.

1077
00:59:55,129 --> 00:59:56,964
No, he ain't American.

1078
00:59:56,997 --> 00:59:59,233
No, he ain't a creature
of God's green Earth.

1079
00:59:59,266 --> 01:00:03,637
But he's a creature
of somewheres, and so are we.

1080
01:00:03,671 --> 01:00:07,007
Now, let's show the old feller
some hospitality,

1081
01:00:07,041 --> 01:00:09,310
and if he turns out
to be a dirty dog--

1082
01:00:09,343 --> 01:00:11,045
which I reckon he ain't--

1083
01:00:11,078 --> 01:00:13,380
well, that'll be a job for
the United States armed forces,

1084
01:00:13,414 --> 01:00:15,749
and they ain't never
lost a war yet.

1085
01:00:18,018 --> 01:00:19,854
Thanky-do.

1086
01:00:21,355 --> 01:00:23,357
I agree with Montana.

1087
01:00:23,390 --> 01:00:26,093
Now, Neptune.

1088
01:00:30,030 --> 01:00:32,800
♪ Tell me, where do they go? ♪

1089
01:00:34,835 --> 01:00:36,337
♪ The smoke rings... ♪

1090
01:00:36,370 --> 01:00:38,072
Which way did he go?

1091
01:00:38,105 --> 01:00:41,675
Hmm. Well, I think
he went from here

1092
01:00:41,709 --> 01:00:45,146
to here to here to...

1093
01:00:45,179 --> 01:00:46,413
I don't know where.

1094
01:00:46,447 --> 01:00:48,315
My mother couldn't remember
which was which,

1095
01:00:48,349 --> 01:00:50,084
so she made up
her own constellations.

1096
01:00:50,117 --> 01:00:52,920
That one's the Coat Hanger.
That one's the Leaky Faucet.

1097
01:00:52,953 --> 01:00:54,922
Over there's
Fried Egg with Spatula.

1098
01:00:54,955 --> 01:00:57,358
My mother is a constellation,
or-or at least part of one.

1099
01:00:57,391 --> 01:00:59,894
A Swiss scientist named
a hypothetical star after her.

1100
01:00:59,927 --> 01:01:01,195
Really? What's it called?

1101
01:01:01,228 --> 01:01:02,763
Midge Campbell X-9 Major.

1102
01:01:02,796 --> 01:01:04,265
Midge Campbell X-9...
I'm gonna look it up.

1103
01:01:04,298 --> 01:01:06,767
Is she interested
in astronomy-- your mother?

1104
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:08,869
Not exactly.
She's interested in stardom.

1105
01:01:08,903 --> 01:01:10,471
I don't mean that
as a criticism, by the way.

1106
01:01:10,505 --> 01:01:12,139
It's her job to be famous.

1107
01:01:12,173 --> 01:01:14,842
Anyway, I'm sick of her face,
but I love her voice.

1108
01:01:14,875 --> 01:01:16,810
She should do more radio.

1109
01:01:17,745 --> 01:01:18,913
I never had children.

1110
01:01:18,946 --> 01:01:21,916
Sometimes I wonder
if I wish I should've.

1111
01:01:21,949 --> 01:01:24,418
I discovered a hypothetical star
myself, by the way.

1112
01:01:24,451 --> 01:01:26,120
-Ooh. Where is it?
-Which one?

1113
01:01:26,153 --> 01:01:29,156
Right there. Partly blocked
by that burnt-out light bulb.

1114
01:01:38,465 --> 01:01:41,068
Uh...

1115
01:01:41,101 --> 01:01:44,038
-What happened?
-I don't know.

1116
01:01:52,846 --> 01:01:54,982
-Oh.
-Uh...

1117
01:01:55,983 --> 01:01:57,918
After you.

1118
01:02:05,092 --> 01:02:07,795
Sometimes I think
I'd feel more at home

1119
01:02:07,828 --> 01:02:10,130
outside the Earth's atmosphere.

1120
01:02:13,434 --> 01:02:15,135
Oh, wow.

1121
01:02:15,169 --> 01:02:16,971
Me, too.

1122
01:02:23,077 --> 01:02:24,378
Did it come out?

1123
01:02:24,411 --> 01:02:28,048
♪ Some people say a man... ♪

1124
01:02:28,082 --> 01:02:29,817
-I mean the other one.
-Oh.

1125
01:02:29,850 --> 01:02:33,020
♪ A poor man's made
out of muscle and blood ♪

1126
01:02:33,053 --> 01:02:35,956
♪ Muscle and blood
and skin and bones ♪

1127
01:02:35,990 --> 01:02:39,893
♪ A mind that's weak
and a back that's strong... ♪

1128
01:02:40,562 --> 01:02:42,129
Okay.

1129
01:02:43,063 --> 01:02:45,266
♪ Another day older
and deeper in debt ♪

1130
01:02:45,299 --> 01:02:48,570
♪ Saint Peter, don't you
call me, 'cause I can't go ♪

1131
01:02:48,603 --> 01:02:50,104
You feel different?

1132
01:02:50,137 --> 01:02:53,173
♪ I owe my soul
to the company store... ♪

1133
01:02:53,207 --> 01:02:55,242
Hey. You feel different?

1134
01:02:56,377 --> 01:02:58,846
I don't feel anything at all.

1135
01:02:58,879 --> 01:03:01,081
-Me, neither.
-Hmm.

1136
01:03:03,317 --> 01:03:05,019
I'm not a good mother.

1137
01:03:05,052 --> 01:03:06,253
Uh-huh.

1138
01:03:06,287 --> 01:03:08,122
I love my daughter,
but I'm not a good mother

1139
01:03:08,155 --> 01:03:10,190
because, unfortunately for her,
she's not my first priority.

1140
01:03:10,224 --> 01:03:11,825
On account of
there's always already

1141
01:03:11,859 --> 01:03:13,093
the thing I plan to do next.

1142
01:03:13,127 --> 01:03:15,563
I love my daughter,
by the way. I-I...

1143
01:03:15,597 --> 01:03:17,298
I love all my children.

1144
01:03:17,331 --> 01:03:20,000
We have a magical time
when we're together.

1145
01:03:20,034 --> 01:03:21,902
I have another girl and a boy.

1146
01:03:21,935 --> 01:03:23,904
They live with
my second ex-husband in Utah.

1147
01:03:23,937 --> 01:03:25,973
-Uh-huh.
-He rarely sees them, either.

1148
01:03:26,006 --> 01:03:28,108
-Mm-hmm.
-I wish I felt guilty at least,

1149
01:03:28,142 --> 01:03:29,943
but I don't experience
that emotion,

1150
01:03:29,977 --> 01:03:31,312
if I understand it correctly.

1151
01:03:31,345 --> 01:03:33,113
-Yes.
-I've played it, of course.

1152
01:03:33,147 --> 01:03:34,616
So you're saying you never
feel guilty in real life?

1153
01:03:34,649 --> 01:03:36,183
Not to my knowledge.

1154
01:03:36,216 --> 01:03:38,319
I think because of my history
with violent men.

1155
01:03:38,352 --> 01:03:43,057
Starting with my father,
brother and uncles.

1156
01:03:43,090 --> 01:03:46,927
There's always already the thing
I plan to do next, too.

1157
01:03:46,960 --> 01:03:48,495
Usually, it's a war.

1158
01:03:48,530 --> 01:03:50,565
Nobody can compete with that,
can they?

1159
01:03:50,598 --> 01:03:52,433
Probably not.

1160
01:03:52,466 --> 01:03:54,201
I did a USO tour once.

1161
01:03:54,234 --> 01:03:55,969
It was thrilling.

1162
01:03:56,937 --> 01:04:00,107
♪ I owe my soul
to the company store... ♪

1163
01:04:01,241 --> 01:04:04,244
-I think I see how I see us.
-Hmm?

1164
01:04:04,278 --> 01:04:07,314
I mean, I think I know now
what I realize we are.

1165
01:04:07,348 --> 01:04:08,516
Okay.

1166
01:04:08,550 --> 01:04:10,150
Two catastrophically
wounded people

1167
01:04:10,184 --> 01:04:13,220
who don't express the depths
of their pain because...

1168
01:04:13,253 --> 01:04:14,488
we don't want to.

1169
01:04:14,522 --> 01:04:15,956
That's our connection.

1170
01:04:15,989 --> 01:04:18,092
Do you agree?

1171
01:04:19,661 --> 01:04:22,096
Uh-huh.

1172
01:04:23,163 --> 01:04:24,498
Let's, um...

1173
01:04:24,532 --> 01:04:27,635
Let's change the subject,
shall we?

1174
01:04:28,670 --> 01:04:30,270
It's open.

1175
01:04:33,508 --> 01:04:36,143
-Hello?
-In here.

1176
01:04:39,313 --> 01:04:40,981
Hello? Hello.

1177
01:04:41,014 --> 01:04:42,383
I'm just your neighbor,
Stanley Zak.

1178
01:04:42,416 --> 01:04:44,251
I wanted to make sure
you and your daughter

1179
01:04:44,284 --> 01:04:46,387
have everything you might need
at the moment.

1180
01:04:46,420 --> 01:04:47,988
Thank you. I think so.

1181
01:04:48,021 --> 01:04:50,157
What a strange experience
this is, isn't it?

1182
01:04:50,190 --> 01:04:52,594
I went to law school with
your former agent, by the way.

1183
01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:54,428
-Mort?
-Mort. Yes, Mort.

1184
01:04:54,461 --> 01:04:55,896
Oh.

1185
01:04:57,231 --> 01:04:58,700
That came out.

1186
01:04:58,733 --> 01:05:01,902
Yeah, it came out.
All my pictures come out.

1187
01:05:03,137 --> 01:05:07,241
Anyway, as I say,
we're just across the driveway,

1188
01:05:07,274 --> 01:05:10,077
as my son-in-law seems
to have established.

1189
01:05:10,110 --> 01:05:12,279
Send my best wishes to Mort
and his family.

1190
01:05:12,312 --> 01:05:13,681
I will, if and when
we're permitted

1191
01:05:13,715 --> 01:05:15,315
contact with the outside world,

1192
01:05:15,349 --> 01:05:18,318
though I don't speak to him,
to tell you the truth.

1193
01:05:19,186 --> 01:05:21,288
I love your hairdo like that.

1194
01:05:21,321 --> 01:05:23,157
Ugh, Christ.

1195
01:05:25,426 --> 01:05:27,327
You see
that wonderful crackly-patch

1196
01:05:27,361 --> 01:05:29,029
right out there
between the dead cactuses

1197
01:05:29,062 --> 01:05:30,297
and the dried-up riverbed?

1198
01:05:30,330 --> 01:05:31,965
-I think so.
-That's your parcel.

1199
01:05:31,999 --> 01:05:33,568
How much of it do I own?

1200
01:05:33,601 --> 01:05:35,035
Well, it's actually
an interesting

1201
01:05:35,068 --> 01:05:36,437
financial mechanism.

1202
01:05:36,470 --> 01:05:39,039
You don't technically own
anything outright.

1203
01:05:39,072 --> 01:05:41,609
You own stock in the town
in the form of a loan

1204
01:05:41,643 --> 01:05:43,043
with a 50-year maturity rate.

1205
01:05:43,076 --> 01:05:44,178
Then, at the end,
the loan is forgiven.

1206
01:05:44,211 --> 01:05:45,580
-You dare me?
-How about water?

1207
01:05:45,613 --> 01:05:47,080
Of course. I understand.

1208
01:05:47,114 --> 01:05:48,982
There isn't any.
This is a desert opportunity.

1209
01:05:49,016 --> 01:05:50,284
-You dare me?
-I heard you.

1210
01:05:50,317 --> 01:05:52,052
-It's an experiment.
-I don't care anymore.

1211
01:05:52,085 --> 01:05:54,121
I dare you or I don't dare you.
It doesn't matter.

1212
01:05:54,154 --> 01:05:56,356
Do what you wish. I give up.

1213
01:06:05,466 --> 01:06:07,334
What's the cause?

1214
01:06:07,367 --> 01:06:08,736
What's the meaning?

1215
01:06:08,770 --> 01:06:11,438
Why do you always
have to dare something?

1216
01:06:15,409 --> 01:06:17,244
I don't know.

1217
01:06:18,646 --> 01:06:22,216
Maybe it's because I'm afraid,

1218
01:06:22,249 --> 01:06:26,420
otherwise, nobody'll...

1219
01:06:26,453 --> 01:06:32,025
notice my existence

1220
01:06:32,059 --> 01:06:34,328
in the universe.

1221
01:06:43,805 --> 01:06:45,507
Dare you what?

1222
01:06:45,540 --> 01:06:48,543
Yes, dare you what?

1223
01:06:48,576 --> 01:06:50,244
To climb that cactus out there.

1224
01:06:50,277 --> 01:06:52,145
-Lord, no. No.
-Please don't.

1225
01:06:54,749 --> 01:06:56,483
Hello.

1226
01:06:56,518 --> 01:06:58,252
Hello. Hello.

1227
01:06:58,285 --> 01:07:00,555
We met before. I'm the mother
of that Cookie Trooper

1228
01:07:00,588 --> 01:07:02,322
-who idolizes you.
-I know.

1229
01:07:02,356 --> 01:07:05,259
Thought you might not
recognize me out of uniform.

1230
01:07:05,292 --> 01:07:07,060
You were very good in the one

1231
01:07:07,094 --> 01:07:08,596
about the tramp in the brothel
who gets amnesia

1232
01:07:08,630 --> 01:07:10,364
-and becomes a pediatrician.
-Thank you. Thank you.

1233
01:07:10,397 --> 01:07:11,833
-You were very authentic.
-That's actually maybe

1234
01:07:11,866 --> 01:07:13,300
my favorite character
I've ever played.

1235
01:07:13,333 --> 01:07:15,068
I don't know why
nobody else liked it.

1236
01:07:15,102 --> 01:07:16,671
Oh. Yes. Me, neither.

1237
01:07:16,704 --> 01:07:18,540
Thank you. Some people liked it.

1238
01:07:18,573 --> 01:07:20,440
Oh, I'm sure. I did.

1239
01:07:20,474 --> 01:07:22,376
Who hit you?

1240
01:07:26,179 --> 01:07:29,049
Am I not in this?

1241
01:07:30,785 --> 01:07:33,086
Excuse me. I'm not in this.

1242
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,556
Um, who hit you?

1243
01:07:34,589 --> 01:07:36,791
-It's on the other eye.
-It's greasepaint.

1244
01:07:36,824 --> 01:07:38,526
Some people did-- do-- liked it.

1245
01:07:38,560 --> 01:07:40,294
Oh, I'm sure.

1246
01:07:40,327 --> 01:07:43,096
I thought it might have been
your second ex-husband in Utah.

1247
01:07:55,275 --> 01:07:57,311
If I sleep on a cot
instead of the sofa bed,

1248
01:07:57,344 --> 01:07:58,846
that might leave room
for me to set up

1249
01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:00,615
a darkroom in the pool house.

1250
01:08:00,648 --> 01:08:01,883
Is that possible
as a compromise?

1251
01:08:01,916 --> 01:08:03,551
It depends on the measurements.

1252
01:08:03,585 --> 01:08:05,218
-It's not that big. -I can
actually carpool the girls

1253
01:08:05,252 --> 01:08:07,321
to school by golf cart,
you know.

1254
01:08:07,354 --> 01:08:08,856
If I cut across the 14th tee.

1255
01:08:08,890 --> 01:08:10,390
Oh, it's that close
to the elementary?

1256
01:08:10,424 --> 01:08:12,326
How can you two
even think about this?

1257
01:08:12,359 --> 01:08:14,729
The world will never
be the same.

1258
01:08:14,762 --> 01:08:16,864
What happens next? Nobody knows.

1259
01:08:16,898 --> 01:08:18,666
Will he visit us again?
Will he speak to us?

1260
01:08:18,700 --> 01:08:20,902
What will he say?
Why did he steal our asteroid?

1261
01:08:20,935 --> 01:08:23,303
Was it ours in the first place?
Does he like us?

1262
01:08:23,337 --> 01:08:24,906
-Nobody knows.
-That's true.

1263
01:08:24,939 --> 01:08:27,474
What's out there? Something.

1264
01:08:27,508 --> 01:08:29,811
The meaning of life.
Maybe there is one.

1265
01:08:29,844 --> 01:08:32,814
I hope you're still
Episcopalian.

1266
01:08:32,847 --> 01:08:35,349
You took his picture, Dad.

1267
01:08:38,953 --> 01:08:41,254
I'm a photographer.

1268
01:08:45,392 --> 01:08:47,494
Episcopalian?

1269
01:08:55,803 --> 01:08:57,404
You really want us, Stanley?

1270
01:08:57,437 --> 01:09:00,374
No, but you need me.

1271
01:09:00,407 --> 01:09:01,943
She did love me, you know.

1272
01:09:01,976 --> 01:09:03,645
Who says she didn't?

1273
01:09:03,678 --> 01:09:05,680
I've been on my own
for 12 years, after all.

1274
01:09:05,713 --> 01:09:08,415
And remember,
my wife drank herself to death.

1275
01:09:08,448 --> 01:09:11,919
"Drank herself to..."
I don't know what that means.

1276
01:09:11,953 --> 01:09:15,389
In my loneliness--
or perhaps because of it--

1277
01:09:15,422 --> 01:09:17,558
I've learned
not to judge people,

1278
01:09:17,592 --> 01:09:21,228
to take people as I find them,
not as others find them,

1279
01:09:21,261 --> 01:09:23,263
and most of all,
to give complete

1280
01:09:23,296 --> 01:09:26,299
and unquestioning faith
to the people I love.

1281
01:09:26,333 --> 01:09:28,636
I don't know
if that includes you,

1282
01:09:28,670 --> 01:09:32,339
but it included my daughter
and your four children,

1283
01:09:32,372 --> 01:09:33,741
so you're welcome
to stay with me

1284
01:09:33,775 --> 01:09:36,410
for as long as you wish,
whether I like it or not.

1285
01:09:36,443 --> 01:09:38,613
Which I don't, by the way.

1286
01:09:41,916 --> 01:09:43,818
Stop helping us.

1287
01:09:43,851 --> 01:09:45,520
We're in grief.

1288
01:09:45,553 --> 01:09:49,423
♪ He rides in the sun
till his day's work is done ♪

1289
01:09:49,456 --> 01:09:50,658
Me, too.

1290
01:09:50,692 --> 01:09:54,696
♪ And he rounds up
the cattle each fall ♪

1291
01:09:59,901 --> 01:10:03,771
♪ Singing his cattle call... ♪

1292
01:10:03,805 --> 01:10:06,206
Are you planning to abandon us?

1293
01:10:06,874 --> 01:10:10,343
Uh...

1294
01:10:10,377 --> 01:10:12,847
I was, as a temporary measure.

1295
01:10:12,880 --> 01:10:14,414
-What?
-But I decided against it.

1296
01:10:14,448 --> 01:10:16,017
-I knew it. I sensed it.
-I didn't.

1297
01:10:16,050 --> 01:10:17,785
I'm not the wet nurse.
I'm their grandfather.

1298
01:10:17,819 --> 01:10:19,987
I would've hired a babysitter
in addition to you.

1299
01:10:20,021 --> 01:10:21,956
I'm not planning
to abandon you anymore,

1300
01:10:21,989 --> 01:10:23,423
even as a temporary measure,

1301
01:10:23,457 --> 01:10:25,660
which is all
it ever would've been.

1302
01:10:27,360 --> 01:10:29,997
I forgive you
for considering it.

1303
01:10:55,790 --> 01:10:58,025
Evening, soldier.

1304
01:10:58,059 --> 01:11:01,495
Can I ask you to stick this dime
in the pay phone for me, please?

1305
01:11:01,529 --> 01:11:02,964
All public telephone service

1306
01:11:02,997 --> 01:11:04,766
has been suspended
until further notice.

1307
01:11:04,799 --> 01:11:06,299
I know it. The thing is,

1308
01:11:06,333 --> 01:11:07,702
right before the hubbub
yesterday,

1309
01:11:07,735 --> 01:11:09,670
I made a trunk call
to my cousin long-distance,

1310
01:11:09,704 --> 01:11:11,506
and the operator
let me owe the surcharge

1311
01:11:11,539 --> 01:11:13,440
because all I had
was three pennies.

1312
01:11:13,473 --> 01:11:16,511
I don't feel right stealing
from the telephone company.

1313
01:11:48,109 --> 01:11:49,577
Although it might convey
a different meaning

1314
01:11:49,610 --> 01:11:51,012
-on his planet.
-It's true.

1315
01:11:51,045 --> 01:11:52,880
If he even has a planet,
by the way.

1316
01:11:52,914 --> 01:11:54,081
-He might be nomadic.
-Hmm.

1317
01:11:54,115 --> 01:11:55,950
Operator?
Kismet-nine-seven-seven-oh.

1318
01:11:55,983 --> 01:11:57,885
-Station to station.
-Stay on the line.

1319
01:11:57,919 --> 01:11:59,086
Thank you.

1320
01:12:03,124 --> 01:12:04,759
Hello? Who's calling?

1321
01:12:04,792 --> 01:12:06,894
Good evening, Mrs. Weatherford.
It's Ricky Cho.

1322
01:12:06,928 --> 01:12:08,996
-May I have a word with...
-Ricky, it's after 9:00.

1323
01:12:09,030 --> 01:12:10,497
He's already drinking
his Ovaltine.

1324
01:12:10,531 --> 01:12:11,732
Can't this wait until tomorrow?

1325
01:12:11,766 --> 01:12:13,501
I'm afraid not,
Mrs. Weatherford.

1326
01:12:13,534 --> 01:12:14,902
I-I wouldn't disturb you
if it weren't

1327
01:12:14,936 --> 01:12:17,370
of the utmost importance
to the <i>Weekly Bobcat.</i>

1328
01:12:17,404 --> 01:12:19,607
I just need a minute
of his time.

1329
01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:21,441
All right, Ricky. Hold the line.

1330
01:12:21,474 --> 01:12:23,110
Some kind of romance
between the two of you?

1331
01:12:23,144 --> 01:12:24,846
-Skip, Ricky Cho!
-What? Who?

1332
01:12:24,879 --> 01:12:26,080
-Who? You.
-Who?

1333
01:12:26,113 --> 01:12:27,480
-You know who.
-Us?

1334
01:12:27,515 --> 01:12:28,716
We only met yesterday.

1335
01:12:28,749 --> 01:12:30,417
I feel she doesn't like me
in that way.

1336
01:12:30,450 --> 01:12:31,519
Uh-huh. Well, I think
you're pretty smart,

1337
01:12:31,552 --> 01:12:32,920
but I think you're pretty dumb.

1338
01:12:32,954 --> 01:12:34,088
-Hello?
-Shh, shh. Hold it.

1339
01:12:34,121 --> 01:12:36,824
Skip? Ricky. We got a scoop.

1340
01:12:44,866 --> 01:12:48,468
The first hints of the future
existence of <i>Asteroid City</i>

1341
01:12:48,502 --> 01:12:50,470
were revealed during
a special seminar

1342
01:12:50,504 --> 01:12:52,707
scheduled at
the playwright's request.

1343
01:12:52,740 --> 01:12:55,009
Conrad Earp,
how can we help you?

1344
01:12:55,042 --> 01:12:57,144
Well, the thing is, Saltzie,
I'd like to make a scene

1345
01:12:57,178 --> 01:13:00,615
where all my characters are
each gently, privately seduced

1346
01:13:00,648 --> 01:13:03,084
into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives

1347
01:13:03,117 --> 01:13:04,919
as a result of
their shared experience

1348
01:13:04,952 --> 01:13:07,822
of a bewildering and bedazzling
celestial mystery.

1349
01:13:07,855 --> 01:13:10,558
-A sleeping scene.
-A scene of sleep.

1350
01:13:10,591 --> 01:13:12,026
But I don't know
how to write it.

1351
01:13:12,059 --> 01:13:14,161
-Yet.
-Yet.

1352
01:13:14,195 --> 01:13:15,830
I thought, perhaps, if you

1353
01:13:15,863 --> 01:13:19,033
and your wonderfully talented
pupils just improvise,

1354
01:13:19,066 --> 01:13:21,168
something might reveal itself.

1355
01:13:21,202 --> 01:13:23,170
Who wasn't going to be famous?

1356
01:13:23,204 --> 01:13:27,074
On any given day, roll call
in Saltzburg Keitel's classroom

1357
01:13:27,108 --> 01:13:31,444
was a now dazzling list
of undiscovered luminaries:

1358
01:13:31,478 --> 01:13:33,080
Linus Mao.

1359
01:13:33,114 --> 01:13:34,916
Lucretia Shaver.

1360
01:13:34,949 --> 01:13:36,817
Walter Geronimo.

1361
01:13:36,851 --> 01:13:38,152
Asquith Eden.

1362
01:13:38,185 --> 01:13:39,954
Mercedes Ford.

1363
01:13:39,987 --> 01:13:43,456
Even, unofficially, Jones Hall.

1364
01:13:43,490 --> 01:13:45,793
What's it about, the play?

1365
01:13:45,826 --> 01:13:49,864
Mm, infinity,
and I don't know what else.

1366
01:13:49,897 --> 01:13:51,464
Is there a title?

1367
01:13:51,498 --> 01:13:52,566
I'm torn.

1368
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:55,069
Maybe <i>The Cosmic Wilderness.</i>

1369
01:13:55,102 --> 01:13:56,537
Do you like that one?

1370
01:13:56,570 --> 01:13:58,039
-Mm, not really.
-Uh-uh.

1371
01:13:58,072 --> 01:13:59,740
What's the alternative?

1372
01:13:59,774 --> 01:14:00,608
Title, I mean.

1373
01:14:00,641 --> 01:14:02,243
Well, it's the name
of the small town

1374
01:14:02,276 --> 01:14:03,945
on the California/Nevada/
Arizona desert

1375
01:14:03,978 --> 01:14:05,646
where the story takes place.

1376
01:14:05,680 --> 01:14:09,817
Okay. Who here has ever
actually fallen asleep onstage

1377
01:14:09,850 --> 01:14:12,920
during a live performance
in front of a paying audience?

1378
01:14:12,954 --> 01:14:14,288
Me.

1379
01:14:14,322 --> 01:14:16,991
I spent the first three-quarters
of Act Two of <i>The Welterweight</i>

1380
01:14:17,024 --> 01:14:21,095
on a massage table with no lines
till the last minute and a half.

1381
01:14:21,128 --> 01:14:23,564
One night, I nodded off.

1382
01:14:23,597 --> 01:14:25,766
-On purpose, you did this?
-No.

1383
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:28,569
-Did you miss your cue?
-Almost.

1384
01:14:28,602 --> 01:14:31,072
I heard it,
and I woke up very scared,

1385
01:14:31,105 --> 01:14:32,673
but I knew my lines.

1386
01:14:32,707 --> 01:14:34,241
-Good morning, Schubert.
-Good morning, Saltzie.

1387
01:14:34,275 --> 01:14:35,776
What brings you here today?

1388
01:14:35,810 --> 01:14:37,278
We haven't seen you
in six weeks.

1389
01:14:37,311 --> 01:14:39,580
<i>Lavender and Lemons</i>
opened last night

1390
01:14:39,613 --> 01:14:42,249
to very good, uh...
I might say raves, by the way.

1391
01:14:42,283 --> 01:14:44,018
I'm available.

1392
01:14:45,619 --> 01:14:47,922
What did he teach? Example.

1393
01:14:47,955 --> 01:14:49,790
Sleep-- it's not death.

1394
01:14:49,824 --> 01:14:51,993
The body keeps busy,
breathing air,

1395
01:14:52,026 --> 01:14:53,594
pumping blood, thinking.

1396
01:14:53,627 --> 01:14:55,830
Maybe you pay a visit
to your dead mother.

1397
01:14:55,863 --> 01:14:58,766
Maybe you go to bed
with your ex-wife or husband.

1398
01:14:58,799 --> 01:15:00,568
Maybe you climb the Matterhorn.

1399
01:15:00,601 --> 01:15:02,603
Connie, you wake up
with a new scene

1400
01:15:02,636 --> 01:15:04,672
three-quarters written
in your head already.

1401
01:15:04,705 --> 01:15:07,241
Schubert, you wake up
with a hangover.

1402
01:15:07,274 --> 01:15:08,876
Important things happen.

1403
01:15:08,909 --> 01:15:10,945
Is there something to play?
I think so.

1404
01:15:10,978 --> 01:15:13,914
Let's work on the scene
from the outside in.

1405
01:15:13,948 --> 01:15:15,182
Be inert.

1406
01:15:15,216 --> 01:15:17,518
Then dream.

1407
01:15:20,621 --> 01:15:22,256
Where are we, Connie? And when?

1408
01:15:22,289 --> 01:15:23,591
Talk to us.

1409
01:15:23,624 --> 01:15:25,026
Yes. All right.

1410
01:15:25,059 --> 01:15:26,594
One week later.

1411
01:15:26,627 --> 01:15:28,562
Our cast of characters'
already tenuous

1412
01:15:28,596 --> 01:15:31,298
grasp of reality has further
slipped in quarantine,

1413
01:15:31,332 --> 01:15:33,300
and the group begins
to occupy a space

1414
01:15:33,334 --> 01:15:35,703
of the most peculiar
emotional dimensions.

1415
01:15:35,736 --> 01:15:37,705
Meanwhile,
the information blockade

1416
01:15:37,738 --> 01:15:39,707
spearheaded
by General Grif Gibson

1417
01:15:39,740 --> 01:15:42,143
has been, it appears...

1418
01:15:42,176 --> 01:15:44,578
incomplete.

1419
01:16:17,044 --> 01:16:19,680
Extra! Extra! Late edition!

1420
01:16:19,713 --> 01:16:21,248
Extra! Extra!

1421
01:16:21,282 --> 01:16:23,084
Late edition!

1422
01:16:27,955 --> 01:16:30,758
I hope you're aware, you and
your accomplices may still face

1423
01:16:30,791 --> 01:16:33,027
felony prosecution,
possibly even a treason charge.

1424
01:16:33,060 --> 01:16:35,396
I'll fight it all the way
to the Supreme Court,

1425
01:16:35,429 --> 01:16:37,798
if necessary, and win.

1426
01:16:37,832 --> 01:16:40,134
This just in,
from the president.

1427
01:16:41,068 --> 01:16:42,937
He's furious.
Thanks a lot, Ricky.

1428
01:16:42,970 --> 01:16:44,939
I don't know what to say,
General Gibson.

1429
01:16:44,972 --> 01:16:46,841
-I'm sorry.
-Don't apologize, Dad.

1430
01:16:46,874 --> 01:16:48,709
The public has a right
to the truth.

1431
01:16:48,742 --> 01:16:50,911
-You made your point.
-This tribunal is a mockery!

1432
01:16:50,945 --> 01:16:52,713
What about Steenbeck,
who took the photograph?

1433
01:16:52,746 --> 01:16:54,715
It's on the front page of
every newspaper on the planet.

1434
01:16:54,748 --> 01:16:56,917
-Can't we arrest him, as well?
-Unfortunately, no.

1435
01:16:56,951 --> 01:16:58,719
He dropped a print in the mail

1436
01:16:58,752 --> 01:17:00,121
to his photo agency
first thing Tuesday morning,

1437
01:17:00,154 --> 01:17:02,723
and the postman got it
before we did. He's innocent.

1438
01:17:02,756 --> 01:17:04,692
Supposedly, he did a nude
of Midge Campbell, too.

1439
01:17:04,725 --> 01:17:06,961
-Midge Campbell?
-Ooh, Midge Campbell.

1440
01:17:08,062 --> 01:17:09,897
As you know, boys and girls,
your parents arrived

1441
01:17:09,930 --> 01:17:11,665
late last night
by military helicopter.

1442
01:17:11,699 --> 01:17:13,200
They've been sequestered
in that metal hut over there

1443
01:17:13,234 --> 01:17:14,835
for the past several hours
while the government scientists

1444
01:17:14,869 --> 01:17:16,270
explain the situation to them,

1445
01:17:16,303 --> 01:17:18,005
although everything's
already in the newspapers.

1446
01:17:18,038 --> 01:17:19,773
It's my understanding
they're about to go onto

1447
01:17:19,807 --> 01:17:21,142
this closed-circuit
television set at any moment.

1448
01:17:21,175 --> 01:17:23,277
Everything's connected,
but nothing's working.

1449
01:17:23,310 --> 01:17:26,814
Let's carry on with
the lesson plan, then. Billy?

1450
01:17:26,847 --> 01:17:28,415
I did the alien's flying saucer

1451
01:17:28,449 --> 01:17:31,018
with a hubcap
and a chicken pot pie tin.

1452
01:17:31,051 --> 01:17:33,354
Good work. Very accurate.

1453
01:17:33,387 --> 01:17:34,889
Jupiter, fifth planet
from the sun,

1454
01:17:34,922 --> 01:17:36,323
largest in our solar system...

1455
01:17:36,357 --> 01:17:37,758
Yes, Bernice?

1456
01:17:37,791 --> 01:17:40,194
I did the alien
on his home planet.

1457
01:17:41,061 --> 01:17:43,364
Well done. How wonderful.

1458
01:17:43,397 --> 01:17:45,332
Due to extreme
atmospheric conditions,

1459
01:17:45,366 --> 01:17:48,969
an anticyclonic storm has raged
on Jupiter's surface for over...

1460
01:17:49,003 --> 01:17:50,104
Yes, Dwight?

1461
01:17:50,137 --> 01:17:51,772
I wrote a song about him.

1462
01:17:51,805 --> 01:17:55,976
Oh. Um, this may not be the time
for a musical performance.

1463
01:17:56,010 --> 01:17:57,444
Let's...

1464
01:17:57,478 --> 01:17:59,180
Uh, yes, Montana?

1465
01:17:59,213 --> 01:18:00,447
Pardon the interruption, June.

1466
01:18:00,481 --> 01:18:01,882
The boys and I heard old Dwight

1467
01:18:01,916 --> 01:18:03,317
was scribbling up
a little warble,

1468
01:18:03,350 --> 01:18:05,052
so we learned ourselves
to play it.

1469
01:18:11,392 --> 01:18:14,261
One, two, three.

1470
01:18:14,295 --> 01:18:16,964
♪ Howdly-dee... ♪

1471
01:18:44,058 --> 01:18:47,094
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪

1472
01:18:47,127 --> 01:18:50,965
♪ Howdly-dee,
howdly-dee ♪

1473
01:18:50,998 --> 01:18:54,201
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪

1474
01:18:54,235 --> 01:18:58,005
-♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee ♪
-Come on, y'all!

1475
01:18:58,038 --> 01:18:59,974
♪ Hop on one foot, skip on two ♪

1476
01:19:00,007 --> 01:19:01,909
♪ Dance the Spaceman,
howdly-do ♪

1477
01:19:01,942 --> 01:19:03,811
♪ Bounce on four foot,
spring on three ♪

1478
01:19:03,844 --> 01:19:05,312
♪ Let's be spacemen,
howdly-dee ♪

1479
01:19:05,346 --> 01:19:09,350
♪ Howdly-dee, howdly-dee. ♪

1480
01:19:11,051 --> 01:19:13,320
This was on an old roll
I forgot to develop

1481
01:19:13,354 --> 01:19:15,055
in the glove box.

1482
01:19:15,089 --> 01:19:17,992
"Self-Portrait with Shrapnel."

1483
01:19:24,498 --> 01:19:26,800
Do page 45.

1484
01:19:36,877 --> 01:19:38,546
"What have you done?
How could you?"

1485
01:19:38,580 --> 01:19:40,014
-It says "shouting and crying."
-Uh-huh.

1486
01:19:40,047 --> 01:19:42,349
-So shout and cry.
-"How could you?!"

1487
01:19:44,285 --> 01:19:45,587
"How couldn't I?"

1488
01:19:45,620 --> 01:19:47,221
"How couldn't you?"

1489
01:19:47,254 --> 01:19:48,556
"That's what I'm asking."

1490
01:19:48,590 --> 01:19:50,891
"It was over already.
You were free.

1491
01:19:50,924 --> 01:19:52,594
"What's the point
of committing suicide

1492
01:19:52,627 --> 01:19:55,262
when there's nothing left
to escape?"

1493
01:19:56,196 --> 01:19:58,932
"Maybe that was
the problem all along."

1494
01:19:58,966 --> 01:20:01,902
"Stares for a moment."

1495
01:20:01,935 --> 01:20:03,904
And then it says I smash
everything off the shelf.

1496
01:20:03,937 --> 01:20:05,406
So smash everything
off the shelf.

1497
01:20:09,611 --> 01:20:11,312
"Such a sickening waste.

1498
01:20:11,345 --> 01:20:14,181
"Think of the people.
Think of the places.

1499
01:20:14,214 --> 01:20:16,450
-Think of the world..."
-Use your grief.

1500
01:20:16,483 --> 01:20:17,951
For a rehearsal?

1501
01:20:17,985 --> 01:20:19,420
I'm not even in this picture.

1502
01:20:19,453 --> 01:20:21,322
I'm a war photographer.

1503
01:20:21,355 --> 01:20:23,023
Use your grief.

1504
01:20:24,358 --> 01:20:25,926
All right.

1505
01:20:29,263 --> 01:20:31,398
"Such a sickening waste.

1506
01:20:33,133 --> 01:20:36,937
"Think of the people.
Think of the places.

1507
01:20:36,970 --> 01:20:40,107
Think of the world
you could have seen, Dolores."

1508
01:20:42,109 --> 01:20:44,278
"I've already seen it."

1509
01:20:45,245 --> 01:20:48,082
She still is...
uh, is-is she a ghost?

1510
01:20:50,652 --> 01:20:52,453
It's not clear.

1511
01:20:53,387 --> 01:20:54,589
Uh...

1512
01:20:54,622 --> 01:20:56,357
Then the, uh... the...

1513
01:20:57,424 --> 01:20:59,360
Then the coroner comes in,
orders me out of the room.

1514
01:20:59,393 --> 01:21:01,295
I slowly turn away
and close the door.

1515
01:21:01,328 --> 01:21:02,396
Scene.

1516
01:21:02,429 --> 01:21:04,465
My sandwich is burning.

1517
01:21:19,714 --> 01:21:21,448
My daughter saw us.

1518
01:21:21,482 --> 01:21:22,517
What?

1519
01:21:22,550 --> 01:21:24,385
Oh, uh, Dinah saw us.

1520
01:21:24,418 --> 01:21:27,287
Through this window,
in your bedroom yesterday.

1521
01:21:36,163 --> 01:21:39,233
Did you, uh, tell her
we were rehearsing again?

1522
01:21:40,167 --> 01:21:42,202
I didn't think of that.
I should've.

1523
01:21:42,236 --> 01:21:45,172
But it's too late,
because I admitted everything.

1524
01:21:46,173 --> 01:21:48,041
Did she tell Woodrow?

1525
01:21:48,643 --> 01:21:50,411
Hard to say.

1526
01:21:50,444 --> 01:21:51,979
She can keep a secret.

1527
01:21:52,012 --> 01:21:53,914
I don't know if she will.

1528
01:21:56,450 --> 01:21:59,319
This isn't the beginning
of something, Augie.

1529
01:21:59,353 --> 01:22:01,321
Isn't it?

1530
01:22:02,289 --> 01:22:03,591
Is it?

1531
01:22:03,625 --> 01:22:05,560
Probably not.

1532
01:22:05,593 --> 01:22:07,161
Unless maybe it is.

1533
01:22:07,194 --> 01:22:08,630
I don't like the way
that guy looked at us.

1534
01:22:08,663 --> 01:22:10,665
-What guy?
-The alien.

1535
01:22:10,698 --> 01:22:12,166
Oh. How did he...

1536
01:22:12,199 --> 01:22:14,368
-How did he look at us?
-Like we're doomed.

1537
01:22:16,738 --> 01:22:19,239
Maybe we are.

1538
01:22:24,612 --> 01:22:26,246
What did you just do?

1539
01:22:26,280 --> 01:22:27,749
I burned my hand
on the Quicky-Griddle.

1540
01:22:27,782 --> 01:22:29,717
-Why?
-It's not clear.

1541
01:22:29,751 --> 01:22:32,152
Show me.

1542
01:22:32,754 --> 01:22:34,556
You really did it.

1543
01:22:34,589 --> 01:22:37,224
That actually happened.

1544
01:22:45,533 --> 01:22:47,301
Pull.

1545
01:22:53,775 --> 01:22:56,276
How long can they keep us
in Asteroid City?

1546
01:22:56,310 --> 01:22:57,612
Legally, I mean.

1547
01:22:57,645 --> 01:22:59,079
Well, I'm not an attorney,

1548
01:22:59,112 --> 01:23:00,648
but I'd say
as long as they like.

1549
01:23:00,682 --> 01:23:02,349
I think we'd have to file
an injunction

1550
01:23:02,382 --> 01:23:04,151
and successfully argue
the case-- six months to a year?

1551
01:23:04,184 --> 01:23:05,520
Of course,
we'd also need to initiate

1552
01:23:05,553 --> 01:23:07,087
a civil suit for loss of income.

1553
01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:08,556
Maybe we should just
walk out right now.

1554
01:23:08,590 --> 01:23:11,626
I'm not sure they could stop us
without killing somebody.

1555
01:23:11,659 --> 01:23:13,327
Interesting idea.

1556
01:23:13,360 --> 01:23:15,797
What kind of mileage
you think that jet pack gets?

1557
01:23:15,830 --> 01:23:17,231
Ask Roger or his son.

1558
01:23:17,264 --> 01:23:18,766
Apparently,
he's being prosecuted

1559
01:23:18,800 --> 01:23:20,300
for revealing state secrets.

1560
01:23:20,334 --> 01:23:22,236
-They'll never make it stick.
-I'm in no hurry.

1561
01:23:22,269 --> 01:23:24,238
I like the desert.
I like aliens.

1562
01:23:24,271 --> 01:23:25,773
Pull.

1563
01:23:25,807 --> 01:23:27,274
How'd you get that back?

1564
01:23:27,307 --> 01:23:28,710
The projects remain
under secure lockdown.

1565
01:23:28,743 --> 01:23:30,110
No Stargazer is permitted
personal access

1566
01:23:30,143 --> 01:23:31,211
without the express
permission...

1567
01:23:31,245 --> 01:23:32,412
My son invented this death ray.

1568
01:23:32,446 --> 01:23:34,081
That may be true,
but my orders are...

1569
01:23:34,114 --> 01:23:35,517
-Step back.
-Easy, fellas.

1570
01:23:35,550 --> 01:23:37,384
-We're not in Guadalcanal
anymore. -Okay, okay, okay.

1571
01:23:37,417 --> 01:23:39,253
Everyone, please. It's been
a difficult quarantine.

1572
01:23:39,286 --> 01:23:40,822
-I'll zap you right now!
-You stole your projects!

1573
01:23:40,855 --> 01:23:42,389
Goddamn it, tell them

1574
01:23:42,422 --> 01:23:43,758
-to stand down!
-Stand down! You hear that?

1575
01:23:43,791 --> 01:23:45,158
General Gibson says,
"Stand down."

1576
01:23:45,192 --> 01:23:46,493
-You married?
-Of course.

1577
01:23:46,528 --> 01:23:48,663
We'll reconfiscate the projects
at a later time.

1578
01:23:48,696 --> 01:23:50,264
Probably after dinner.

1579
01:23:50,865 --> 01:23:53,200
Try it.

1580
01:23:54,836 --> 01:23:56,436
Tab Hunter, Doris Day, out,

1581
01:23:56,470 --> 01:23:58,472
Jack the Ripper, out,
Bing Crosby, Shirley Temple,

1582
01:23:58,506 --> 01:24:00,542
out, out, Orson Welles,
Lucille Ball, out,

1583
01:24:00,575 --> 01:24:02,810
Marlon Brando, out,
Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mantle,

1584
01:24:02,844 --> 01:24:04,444
out, out, Yul Brynner,
Louis Armstrong,

1585
01:24:04,478 --> 01:24:07,180
out, Lana Turner, out,
Betty Grable, Ella Fitzgerald,

1586
01:24:07,214 --> 01:24:09,416
out, out, Rock Hudson, out,
Jerry Lewis, out, out,

1587
01:24:09,449 --> 01:24:11,686
Greta Garbo, Karl Marx, out,
Joan of Arc, out,

1588
01:24:11,719 --> 01:24:13,353
Charles Darwin,
Walter Pidgeon, out,

1589
01:24:13,387 --> 01:24:15,355
Emily Dickinson,
Galileo, out, out,

1590
01:24:15,389 --> 01:24:17,257
Pontius Pilate, out,
Ernest Hemingway, Jackie O...

1591
01:24:17,291 --> 01:24:19,259
Who's responsible for stealing
my radio telescope,

1592
01:24:19,293 --> 01:24:21,094
my signal processing receiver

1593
01:24:21,128 --> 01:24:23,430
and my entire spectrographical
monitoring network?

1594
01:24:25,165 --> 01:24:27,167
They're trying
to contact the alien.

1595
01:24:27,200 --> 01:24:30,103
Well, I appreciate that,
but what about Dr. Hickenlooper?

1596
01:24:30,137 --> 01:24:32,840
If you're trying to contact
the alien, include me.

1597
01:24:32,874 --> 01:24:35,108
Did you hear anything
from him so far?

1598
01:24:35,142 --> 01:24:36,678
-No.
-Huh.

1599
01:24:36,711 --> 01:24:38,513
What's all this?

1600
01:24:38,546 --> 01:24:40,848
I put the American flag
just to be patriotic.

1601
01:24:40,882 --> 01:24:42,517
Now we need
to really mean something.

1602
01:24:42,550 --> 01:24:44,552
A universal message,
not only to earthlings.

1603
01:24:44,586 --> 01:24:46,721
We already thought of
everything we could think of:

1604
01:24:46,754 --> 01:24:48,355
a cross, a star,
a four-leaf clover,

1605
01:24:48,388 --> 01:24:50,190
letters, numbers, hieroglyphics.

1606
01:24:50,223 --> 01:24:51,859
What's the point of projecting
a star onto the moon?

1607
01:24:51,893 --> 01:24:53,260
-Exactly.
-I ask that sincerely.

1608
01:24:53,293 --> 01:24:54,461
How about "E equals MC-squared"?

1609
01:24:54,494 --> 01:24:55,863
-I still think it's...
-They know that.

1610
01:24:55,897 --> 01:24:57,331
-It's too easy.
-This is our chance

1611
01:24:57,364 --> 01:24:59,466
to be actually worthwhile
in our lifetimes.

1612
01:24:59,499 --> 01:25:01,168
I see what you mean.

1613
01:25:01,201 --> 01:25:02,904
-Whose turn was it?
-Oh, the middle of mine.

1614
01:25:02,937 --> 01:25:04,606
I'd better start over.

1615
01:25:04,639 --> 01:25:06,440
-Cleopatra, Jagadish...
-A word, Woodrow.

1616
01:25:06,473 --> 01:25:09,142
About the, uh, settings
on the spectrograph.

1617
01:25:09,176 --> 01:25:10,511
Over here, if you wouldn't mind.

1618
01:25:10,545 --> 01:25:12,245
...Kurt Gödel,
William Henry Bragg...

1619
01:25:12,279 --> 01:25:14,214
The, uh, warning label indicates

1620
01:25:14,247 --> 01:25:16,183
that the, uh...

1621
01:25:18,318 --> 01:25:20,855
It's all worthwhile
in your lifetime.

1622
01:25:20,888 --> 01:25:22,523
-This, I mean.
-Okay.

1623
01:25:22,557 --> 01:25:24,826
Your curiosity is
your most important asset.

1624
01:25:24,859 --> 01:25:26,259
-Trust it.
-Okay.

1625
01:25:26,293 --> 01:25:27,695
-Trust your curiosity.
-Okay.

1626
01:25:27,729 --> 01:25:29,864
The resources of my lab
will always be available to you.

1627
01:25:29,897 --> 01:25:31,498
After this thing is over,
I mean.

1628
01:25:31,532 --> 01:25:33,433
You could maybe sort of
be my protégé, if you like.

1629
01:25:33,467 --> 01:25:34,836
Oh, wow. Maybe we can prove

1630
01:25:34,869 --> 01:25:36,303
the hypothesis
of celestial flirtation

1631
01:25:36,336 --> 01:25:37,639
and get the math right finally.

1632
01:25:37,672 --> 01:25:38,906
Wow. Let's try.

1633
01:25:38,940 --> 01:25:40,842
I think I see
the dots from space

1634
01:25:40,875 --> 01:25:42,644
burned into your eyeballs.

1635
01:25:45,680 --> 01:25:47,247
I'm sorry about your mother.

1636
01:25:47,280 --> 01:25:50,217
I miss mine, too,
and she died 46 years ago.

1637
01:25:51,418 --> 01:25:53,420
Thank you.

1638
01:25:55,489 --> 01:25:57,257
I've already petitioned
the State Assembly

1639
01:25:57,290 --> 01:25:59,393
to change the name of the town
from Asteroid City

1640
01:25:59,426 --> 01:26:01,194
to Alien Landing, U.S.A.

1641
01:26:01,228 --> 01:26:03,564
This municipality might end up
being the center

1642
01:26:03,598 --> 01:26:06,801
of a vast community
of Stargazers and Space Cadets.

1643
01:26:06,834 --> 01:26:09,737
It's a historic offering.

1644
01:26:14,976 --> 01:26:16,944
As you know,
the Asteroid Day itinerary

1645
01:26:16,978 --> 01:26:18,579
had to be suspended last week

1646
01:26:18,613 --> 01:26:21,248
due to the factual reality
of our circumstances.

1647
01:26:21,281 --> 01:26:22,950
However, I have
an announcement to make.

1648
01:26:22,984 --> 01:26:24,886
Dr. Hickenlooper
and the Military-Science

1649
01:26:24,919 --> 01:26:26,554
Research and Experimentation
Division,

1650
01:26:26,587 --> 01:26:28,422
in conjunction with
the Larkings Foundation,

1651
01:26:28,455 --> 01:26:30,692
have officially selected
a recipient

1652
01:26:30,725 --> 01:26:32,727
for this year's
Hickenlooper Scholarship,

1653
01:26:32,760 --> 01:26:35,997
and you're all going home
first thing tomorrow morning.

1654
01:26:36,030 --> 01:26:37,999
The president has opted
to lift the quarantine

1655
01:26:38,032 --> 01:26:39,801
by executive decree.

1656
01:26:42,469 --> 01:26:44,271
I'd like to take
this opportunity--

1657
01:26:44,304 --> 01:26:46,273
and, by the way,
all of this year's projects,

1658
01:26:46,306 --> 01:26:47,642
setting aside my own

1659
01:26:47,675 --> 01:26:49,711
differences of opinion
with Ricky Cho,

1660
01:26:49,744 --> 01:26:52,412
were of the very highest
caliber, without exception--

1661
01:26:52,446 --> 01:26:55,315
to officially declare, uh...

1662
01:26:55,348 --> 01:26:56,551
-What's happening now?
-Scholarship...

1663
01:26:56,584 --> 01:26:57,885
-What's happening now?
-I don't know.

1664
01:26:57,919 --> 01:26:59,587
It's today again.

1665
01:27:33,054 --> 01:27:35,022
It's been inventoried.

1666
01:27:39,459 --> 01:27:41,028
Under the provisions of

1667
01:27:41,062 --> 01:27:42,697
National Security
Emergency Scrimmage Plan X,

1668
01:27:42,730 --> 01:27:44,599
the lifting of the quarantine
which I just announced

1669
01:27:44,632 --> 01:27:46,634
is now canceled
or at least postponed

1670
01:27:46,667 --> 01:27:50,004
due to the unexpected
new event which just...

1671
01:28:16,731 --> 01:28:19,967
Why does Augie burn his hand
on the Quicky-Griddle?

1672
01:28:20,001 --> 01:28:22,435
I still don't understand
the play.

1673
01:28:23,638 --> 01:28:24,806
What?

1674
01:28:33,380 --> 01:28:36,017
Where are you going?

1675
01:28:36,050 --> 01:28:37,819
I'll be right back.

1676
01:28:37,852 --> 01:28:39,921
I don't play him
as an alien, actually.

1677
01:28:39,954 --> 01:28:41,556
I play him as a metaphor.

1678
01:28:41,589 --> 01:28:43,423
-That's my interpretation.
-Metaphor for what?

1679
01:28:43,456 --> 01:28:45,927
I-I don't know yet.
We don't pin it down.

1680
01:28:45,960 --> 01:28:47,995
Schubert. Schubert.

1681
01:28:48,029 --> 01:28:50,097
-Schubert! Schubert!
-Huh? Yes.

1682
01:28:50,131 --> 01:28:52,567
What's wrong? Are you on?

1683
01:28:52,600 --> 01:28:54,434
Technically, but General Gibson
just started the scene

1684
01:28:54,467 --> 01:28:55,970
where the president
doesn't accept his resignation.

1685
01:28:56,003 --> 01:28:58,105
I've got six and a half minutes
before my next line.

1686
01:28:58,139 --> 01:28:59,974
I need an answer
to a question I want to ask.

1687
01:29:00,007 --> 01:29:01,108
Okay.

1688
01:29:01,142 --> 01:29:03,044
Am I doing him right?

1689
01:29:03,077 --> 01:29:04,512
Oh.

1690
01:29:04,545 --> 01:29:05,847
Well...

1691
01:29:05,880 --> 01:29:07,548
I told you before,
there's too much business--

1692
01:29:07,582 --> 01:29:08,649
with the pipe, with the lighter,

1693
01:29:08,683 --> 01:29:10,417
with the camera,
with the eyebrow--

1694
01:29:10,450 --> 01:29:12,520
but aside from that,
on the whole,

1695
01:29:12,553 --> 01:29:14,789
in answer to your question...
Sit down.

1696
01:29:17,158 --> 01:29:18,793
You're doing him just right.

1697
01:29:18,826 --> 01:29:21,461
In fact, in my opinion,
you didn't just become Augie.

1698
01:29:21,494 --> 01:29:22,830
He became you.

1699
01:29:22,864 --> 01:29:23,931
I feel lost.

1700
01:29:23,965 --> 01:29:25,533
-Good.
-He's such a wounded guy.

1701
01:29:25,566 --> 01:29:27,134
I feel like my heart
is getting broken--

1702
01:29:27,168 --> 01:29:28,468
my own, personal heart--

1703
01:29:28,502 --> 01:29:29,604
-every night.
-Good.

1704
01:29:29,637 --> 01:29:31,138
-Do I just keep doing it?
-Yes.

1705
01:29:31,172 --> 01:29:32,874
-Without knowing anything?
-Yes.

1706
01:29:32,907 --> 01:29:34,742
Isn't there supposed to be
some kind of an answer

1707
01:29:34,775 --> 01:29:36,443
out there
in the cosmic wilderness?

1708
01:29:36,476 --> 01:29:37,578
Woodrow's line
about the meaning of life.

1709
01:29:37,612 --> 01:29:38,880
-"Maybe there is one."
-Right.

1710
01:29:38,913 --> 01:29:40,413
Well, that's my question.

1711
01:29:42,049 --> 01:29:43,951
I still don't understand
the play.

1712
01:29:43,985 --> 01:29:45,519
Doesn't matter.

1713
01:29:45,553 --> 01:29:47,955
Just keep telling the story.

1714
01:29:48,956 --> 01:29:50,157
You're doing him right.

1715
01:29:50,191 --> 01:29:51,759
I need a breath of fresh air.

1716
01:29:51,792 --> 01:29:52,894
Huh.

1717
01:29:52,927 --> 01:29:55,462
Okay, but you won't find one.

1718
01:29:58,065 --> 01:29:59,767
Right.

1719
01:30:19,053 --> 01:30:20,855
Hello.

1720
01:30:22,823 --> 01:30:25,693
Oh. It's you, the wife
who played my actress.

1721
01:30:25,726 --> 01:30:28,996
Hmm. My scene was cut
after one rehearsal.

1722
01:30:30,231 --> 01:30:32,934
-We still use your photograph.
-Hmm.

1723
01:30:36,037 --> 01:30:38,506
You remember the dialogue?

1724
01:30:39,640 --> 01:30:40,942
No.

1725
01:30:42,243 --> 01:30:45,179
We meet in a dream
on the alien's planet.

1726
01:30:45,212 --> 01:30:47,214
Magnavox-27.

1727
01:30:47,248 --> 01:30:49,750
Actually,
it's one of the moons of it.

1728
01:30:50,718 --> 01:30:53,955
You say,
"Did you talk to the alien?"

1729
01:30:53,988 --> 01:30:57,091
I say, "Not yet."

1730
01:30:57,124 --> 01:30:59,794
You say, "Why not?
I thought for sure

1731
01:30:59,827 --> 01:31:02,797
you would've yelled at him
or made him laugh."

1732
01:31:02,830 --> 01:31:06,968
I say, "Or asked him
the secrets of the universe?"

1733
01:31:07,001 --> 01:31:09,003
You say, "Exactly."

1734
01:31:10,237 --> 01:31:13,473
I say, "I think he's shy."

1735
01:31:14,709 --> 01:31:16,110
You say,

1736
01:31:16,143 --> 01:31:18,946
"So's Woodrow, but I'm sure
he'll grow out of it.

1737
01:31:18,980 --> 01:31:21,949
I mean, at least I hope he will,
without a mother."

1738
01:31:23,751 --> 01:31:27,288
I say, "He's a late bloomer,

1739
01:31:27,321 --> 01:31:32,693
but maybe I think
you'll need to replace me."

1740
01:31:32,727 --> 01:31:33,995
You say,

1741
01:31:34,028 --> 01:31:36,998
"What? Why? How? I can't."

1742
01:31:38,299 --> 01:31:42,903
I say, "Maybe I think
you'll need to try.

1743
01:31:45,239 --> 01:31:47,775
I'm not coming back, Augie."

1744
01:31:50,644 --> 01:31:53,881
Then you take a picture of me
and start crying,

1745
01:31:53,914 --> 01:31:55,883
and I say...

1746
01:31:58,085 --> 01:32:00,654
"I hope it comes out."

1747
01:32:03,791 --> 01:32:05,760
And I say,

1748
01:32:05,793 --> 01:32:08,129
"All my pictures come out."

1749
01:32:19,840 --> 01:32:21,609
Hmm.

1750
01:32:21,642 --> 01:32:23,277
Good memory. Why'd they cut it?

1751
01:32:23,310 --> 01:32:24,912
Running time.

1752
01:32:24,945 --> 01:32:26,647
Now I'm First Lady-in-Waiting
to the Queen Consort

1753
01:32:26,680 --> 01:32:28,149
in <i>Fruit of a Withering Vine.</i>

1754
01:32:28,182 --> 01:32:29,884
You missed your cue.

1755
01:32:29,917 --> 01:32:31,919
June and the cowboy are already
necking in the station wagon.

1756
01:32:31,952 --> 01:32:34,922
They're bandaging
the understudy's hand right now.

1757
01:32:36,223 --> 01:32:37,925
Oh. It's you.

1758
01:32:37,958 --> 01:32:39,927
We almost would've had
a scene together.

1759
01:32:39,960 --> 01:32:42,029
-Hello.
-Hello.

1760
01:32:44,098 --> 01:32:47,935
Six months into the run,
the company received the news:

1761
01:32:47,968 --> 01:32:50,704
a catastrophic
automobile accident.

1762
01:32:50,738 --> 01:32:52,807
Conrad Earp, American playwright

1763
01:32:52,840 --> 01:32:55,376
unequaled in passion
and imagination,

1764
01:32:55,409 --> 01:32:57,078
dead at 50.

1765
01:32:57,111 --> 01:32:59,346
I'd like to make
a scene where all my characters

1766
01:32:59,380 --> 01:33:00,981
are each gently,
privately seduced

1767
01:33:01,015 --> 01:33:03,284
into the deepest, dreamiest
slumber of their lives

1768
01:33:03,317 --> 01:33:04,985
as a result
of their shared experience

1769
01:33:05,019 --> 01:33:07,955
of a bewildering and bedazzling
celestial mystery,

1770
01:33:07,988 --> 01:33:10,224
but I don't know
how to write it.

1771
01:33:11,158 --> 01:33:13,828
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1772
01:33:13,861 --> 01:33:15,362
What was that?

1773
01:33:15,396 --> 01:33:17,031
What's happening?

1774
01:33:17,998 --> 01:33:19,767
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1775
01:33:19,800 --> 01:33:20,868
-What?
-That's not true.

1776
01:33:20,901 --> 01:33:22,303
-Say it again.
-Who cares?

1777
01:33:22,336 --> 01:33:25,106
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1778
01:33:25,139 --> 01:33:26,207
-Why should you?
-Maybe not.

1779
01:33:26,240 --> 01:33:27,808
-Of course.
-Uh, yes.

1780
01:33:27,842 --> 01:33:29,777
-You can't wake up...
-If you don't fall asleep.

1781
01:33:29,810 --> 01:33:31,979
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1782
01:33:32,012 --> 01:33:33,981
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.

1783
01:33:34,014 --> 01:33:36,150
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1784
01:33:36,183 --> 01:33:38,786
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.

1785
01:33:38,819 --> 01:33:41,021
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1786
01:33:41,055 --> 01:33:43,390
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.

1787
01:33:43,424 --> 01:33:45,826
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1788
01:33:45,860 --> 01:33:48,062
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.

1789
01:33:48,095 --> 01:33:50,698
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1790
01:33:50,731 --> 01:33:53,000
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.

1791
01:33:53,033 --> 01:33:55,136
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1792
01:33:55,169 --> 01:33:57,738
You can't wake up if you
don't fall asleep.

1793
01:33:57,771 --> 01:34:00,875
You can't wake up
if you don't fall asleep.

1794
01:34:28,836 --> 01:34:32,273
♪ Somewhere there's music,
how faint the tune ♪

1795
01:34:32,306 --> 01:34:35,409
♪ Somewhere there's heaven,
how high the moon... ♪

1796
01:34:35,442 --> 01:34:38,679
Uh, where'd they go?

1797
01:34:39,346 --> 01:34:40,881
Good morning, Mr. Steenbeck.

1798
01:34:40,915 --> 01:34:42,917
Juice preference, please--
apple, orange or tomato.

1799
01:34:42,950 --> 01:34:44,785
Where'd they go? Everybody.

1800
01:34:44,818 --> 01:34:46,187
Of course. I understand.

1801
01:34:46,220 --> 01:34:48,255
The president lifted
the quarantine after all,

1802
01:34:48,289 --> 01:34:49,890
at midnight.

1803
01:34:49,924 --> 01:34:51,759
He sent the whole gang home--
the troops, the cowboys,

1804
01:34:51,792 --> 01:34:53,227
the Junior Stargazers
and Space Cadets.

1805
01:34:53,260 --> 01:34:55,863
You are free to return
back to wherever you came from.

1806
01:34:55,896 --> 01:34:57,731
We had 11 checkouts
this morning.

1807
01:34:57,765 --> 01:34:59,800
I guess you overslept.

1808
01:34:59,833 --> 01:35:01,402
They returned your
science projects, by the way.

1809
01:35:01,435 --> 01:35:03,137
Hmm.

1810
01:35:04,338 --> 01:35:06,707
-Tomato.
-Right away.

1811
01:35:13,080 --> 01:35:16,483
The plan was to shovel it up
and take her with us.

1812
01:35:16,518 --> 01:35:19,954
Like I said,
we'll exhume the Tupperware.

1813
01:35:19,987 --> 01:35:22,489
We don't have any burial rights
to this plot here.

1814
01:35:22,524 --> 01:35:24,391
I would question
whether it even is a plot.

1815
01:35:24,425 --> 01:35:25,960
It isn't.

1816
01:35:25,993 --> 01:35:27,962
-Don't murder my mother's ashes!
-He's killing her!

1817
01:35:27,995 --> 01:35:30,898
No, no, no, no. Let us pray.

1818
01:35:34,969 --> 01:35:36,270
Poppy!

1819
01:35:37,905 --> 01:35:40,341
Dear Heavenly Father,
we thank thee for the life

1820
01:35:40,374 --> 01:35:44,378
of this magnificent woman,
who was once just a little girl

1821
01:35:44,411 --> 01:35:46,981
like these three
witches in training.

1822
01:35:47,014 --> 01:35:48,516
-Not in training.
-We are witches.

1823
01:35:48,550 --> 01:35:50,117
Part witch, part alien.

1824
01:35:50,150 --> 01:35:52,554
Like these three witches
at one time.

1825
01:35:52,587 --> 01:35:55,489
We had no intention
of permanently burying her

1826
01:35:55,523 --> 01:35:57,491
next to this unmarked cactus,

1827
01:35:57,525 --> 01:35:59,059
but I no longer have
the strength

1828
01:35:59,093 --> 01:36:02,129
to fight for her dignity,
nor neither does Augie.

1829
01:36:02,162 --> 01:36:03,964
-Do you?
-No.

1830
01:36:03,998 --> 01:36:06,934
So we'll defer to the wishes
of her stubborn daughters.

1831
01:36:06,967 --> 01:36:10,505
Woodrow, any final farewell?

1832
01:36:10,538 --> 01:36:12,273
I don't believe in God anymore.

1833
01:36:12,306 --> 01:36:13,807
Fair enough.

1834
01:36:13,841 --> 01:36:16,877
-Amen.
-Amen.

1835
01:36:16,910 --> 01:36:19,413
Friskity, triskity,
briskity, boo,

1836
01:36:19,446 --> 01:36:22,550
knickerty, knockerty,
tockerty, too.

1837
01:36:22,584 --> 01:36:24,885
Mama is in the ground.

1838
01:36:24,918 --> 01:36:27,288
Say the prayer for Mama.

1839
01:36:27,321 --> 01:36:29,857
Mama, we'll say the prayer, too.

1840
01:36:29,890 --> 01:36:31,425
You are beautiful...

1841
01:36:33,127 --> 01:36:34,862
Five orders of flapjacks
and two black coffees.

1842
01:36:34,895 --> 01:36:36,463
Thanks.

1843
01:36:39,466 --> 01:36:40,968
Who needs to pee?

1844
01:36:41,001 --> 01:36:42,604
-Nobody needs to pee.
-I don't. -Not me.

1845
01:36:42,637 --> 01:36:44,438
How about a glass
of strawberry milk?

1846
01:36:44,471 --> 01:36:46,340
-Mmm.
-Yes, please.

1847
01:36:47,975 --> 01:36:50,477
Somebody win that scholarship?

1848
01:36:50,512 --> 01:36:52,514
I did.

1849
01:36:52,547 --> 01:36:54,248
-When?
-Last night.

1850
01:36:54,281 --> 01:36:57,151
General Gibson slipped it to me
in line at the communal showers.

1851
01:36:57,184 --> 01:36:59,186
I think he just wanted
to get it over with.

1852
01:36:59,219 --> 01:37:01,523
It's actually a standard-sized
check of typical dimensions.

1853
01:37:01,556 --> 01:37:03,591
The big one's only for show.

1854
01:37:03,625 --> 01:37:05,527
-Wow.
-Congratulations, Woodrow.

1855
01:37:05,560 --> 01:37:06,994
That's, uh, stupendous.

1856
01:37:07,027 --> 01:37:08,362
You must be
some kind of a genius.

1857
01:37:08,395 --> 01:37:09,597
I agree.

1858
01:37:09,631 --> 01:37:12,232
You must be
some kind of brainiac.

1859
01:37:13,233 --> 01:37:15,069
Has it got any strings
attached to it?

1860
01:37:15,102 --> 01:37:16,604
It's made out to you personally.

1861
01:37:16,638 --> 01:37:18,906
How you plan to use it?

1862
01:37:20,074 --> 01:37:22,242
I'll probably spend it
on my girlfriend.

1863
01:37:26,146 --> 01:37:29,016
What do you write
in that little book?

1864
01:37:30,250 --> 01:37:32,086
Next year's project,
confidentially.

1865
01:37:32,119 --> 01:37:34,121
-Gee whiz. Look at that. Whoa.
-Wow. Is that possible?

1866
01:37:34,154 --> 01:37:36,090
Is that possible?

1867
01:37:36,123 --> 01:37:39,460
Midge Campbell
left you her address.

1868
01:37:39,493 --> 01:37:42,262
It's just a post office box.

1869
01:37:44,298 --> 01:37:46,033
What happened
that night I saw the...

1870
01:37:46,066 --> 01:37:47,468
That's none of
your business, Stanley.

1871
01:37:47,502 --> 01:37:49,169
I know. Of course it isn't.

1872
01:37:49,203 --> 01:37:50,938
I only ask because
Woodrow told me

1873
01:37:50,971 --> 01:37:52,507
-Dinah told him.
-I understand. I understand.

1874
01:37:52,540 --> 01:37:54,108
I understand.

1875
01:37:54,141 --> 01:37:56,644
I went to law school
with her former agent.

1876
01:37:56,678 --> 01:37:58,979
Anyway, I don't object.

1877
01:37:59,012 --> 01:38:02,149
She's actually
a very gifted comedienne.

1878
01:38:02,182 --> 01:38:03,551
That's true.

1879
01:38:07,187 --> 01:38:09,423
Another atom bomb test.

1880
01:38:32,212 --> 01:38:34,415
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1881
01:38:34,448 --> 01:38:36,150
♪ Going so fast ♪

1882
01:38:36,183 --> 01:38:38,285
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1883
01:38:38,318 --> 01:38:40,087
♪ Going so fast ♪

1884
01:38:40,120 --> 01:38:42,990
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪

1885
01:38:43,023 --> 01:38:45,392
♪ Won't you tell me... ♪

1886
01:38:45,426 --> 01:38:47,461
Woodrow, let's go.

1887
01:38:55,102 --> 01:38:56,604
♪ Don't know where ♪

1888
01:38:56,638 --> 01:38:58,972
♪ He's heading for ♪

1889
01:38:59,006 --> 01:39:00,374
♪ What he's done ♪

1890
01:39:00,407 --> 01:39:02,710
♪ Against the law ♪

1891
01:39:02,744 --> 01:39:06,013
♪ Got no future, got no hope ♪

1892
01:39:06,046 --> 01:39:09,651
♪ Just nothing but the rope ♪

1893
01:39:17,725 --> 01:39:19,594
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1894
01:39:19,627 --> 01:39:21,328
♪ Going so fast ♪

1895
01:39:21,361 --> 01:39:23,565
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1896
01:39:23,598 --> 01:39:25,299
♪ Going so fast ♪

1897
01:39:25,332 --> 01:39:28,068
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪

1898
01:39:28,101 --> 01:39:30,103
♪ Won't you tell me ♪

1899
01:39:30,137 --> 01:39:32,607
♪ Where he's gone ♪

1900
01:39:40,447 --> 01:39:44,318
♪ He lost his reason,
lost his life ♪

1901
01:39:44,351 --> 01:39:48,222
♪ He killed his friend
in mortal strife ♪

1902
01:39:48,255 --> 01:39:51,358
♪ He must keep moving
like the rolling skies ♪

1903
01:39:51,391 --> 01:39:55,597
♪ Just a-waitin' till he dies ♪

1904
01:40:03,337 --> 01:40:05,405
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1905
01:40:05,439 --> 01:40:07,174
♪ Going so fast ♪

1906
01:40:07,207 --> 01:40:09,109
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1907
01:40:09,142 --> 01:40:11,111
♪ Going so fast ♪

1908
01:40:11,144 --> 01:40:14,181
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪

1909
01:40:14,214 --> 01:40:18,385
♪ Won't you tell me
where he's gone ♪

1910
01:40:26,326 --> 01:40:30,264
♪ When he dies,
just bury him, please ♪

1911
01:40:30,297 --> 01:40:34,167
♪ Way down the end
of old Chestnut Street ♪

1912
01:40:34,201 --> 01:40:37,371
♪ Poplars at his head and feet ♪

1913
01:40:37,404 --> 01:40:41,843
♪ And tell them
he's gone to sleep ♪

1914
01:40:49,283 --> 01:40:51,418
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1915
01:40:51,451 --> 01:40:53,120
♪ Going so fast ♪

1916
01:40:53,153 --> 01:40:55,122
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪

1917
01:40:55,155 --> 01:40:57,124
♪ Going so fast ♪

1918
01:40:57,157 --> 01:41:00,160
♪ I don't know
what train he's on ♪

1919
01:41:00,193 --> 01:41:03,865
♪ Won't you tell me
where he's gone. ♪

1920
01:41:40,434 --> 01:41:44,505
♪ You ♪

1921
01:41:46,808 --> 01:41:50,177
♪ Can't wake up ♪

1922
01:41:50,210 --> 01:41:53,815
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪

1923
01:41:53,848 --> 01:41:57,652
♪ You can't fall in love ♪

1924
01:41:57,685 --> 01:42:01,321
♪ And land on your feet ♪

1925
01:42:01,355 --> 01:42:04,759
♪ You won't smell the roses ♪

1926
01:42:04,792 --> 01:42:08,730
♪ If you never plant a seed ♪

1927
01:42:08,763 --> 01:42:11,799
♪ And you can't wake up ♪

1928
01:42:11,833 --> 01:42:16,537
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪

1929
01:42:19,540 --> 01:42:23,343
♪ You can't make an entrance ♪

1930
01:42:23,377 --> 01:42:26,279
♪ If you keep missing your cue ♪

1931
01:42:27,949 --> 01:42:30,350
♪ And you won't pick a winner ♪

1932
01:42:30,384 --> 01:42:34,956
♪ Till you learn how to choose ♪

1933
01:42:34,989 --> 01:42:38,191
♪ You'll never find
the treasure ♪

1934
01:42:38,225 --> 01:42:41,763
♪ Unless you dig deep ♪

1935
01:42:41,796 --> 01:42:44,899
♪ And you can't wake up ♪

1936
01:42:44,932 --> 01:42:48,736
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪

1937
01:42:52,372 --> 01:42:55,943
♪ Oh, you'll never ♪

1938
01:42:55,977 --> 01:42:59,781
♪ Have memories ♪

1939
01:42:59,814 --> 01:43:03,350
♪ Worth keeping ♪

1940
01:43:05,953 --> 01:43:10,692
♪ Oh, you'll never ♪

1941
01:43:10,725 --> 01:43:13,895
♪ Find the truth ♪

1942
01:43:13,928 --> 01:43:18,331
♪ You are seeking ♪

1943
01:43:24,304 --> 01:43:28,375
♪ While you are sleeping ♪

1944
01:43:32,379 --> 01:43:36,718
♪ But you can't wake up ♪

1945
01:43:36,751 --> 01:43:40,454
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪

1946
01:43:40,487 --> 01:43:44,357
♪ So go live your dreams ♪

1947
01:43:44,391 --> 01:43:47,294
♪ And live them real deep ♪

1948
01:43:47,327 --> 01:43:51,866
♪ There is some counting money ♪

1949
01:43:51,899 --> 01:43:56,938
♪ And there's some
counting sheep ♪

1950
01:43:56,971 --> 01:44:01,274
♪ Oh, you can't wake up ♪

1951
01:44:01,308 --> 01:44:06,514
♪ If you don't fall asleep ♪

1952
01:44:12,452 --> 01:44:15,890
♪ If you don't fall asleep. ♪

1953
01:45:01,602 --> 01:45:03,704
Wicked.